Sunday, April 19, 2020

Birthday Musings during the time of quarantine


April 19, 2020 11:56 p.m. Sunday

it’s all too surreal… 2020 came in like a train, wrecking everyone’s thoughts. 
Today I am reflecting on my life, and what would happen tomorrow, or the next. I honestly fear that things will not return to normal after this. But I am still full of hope that God will use me as His instrument to bring people closer to Him. At 38, I feel that I should take my life seriously. Embark on a journey of pefecting my soul though Christ Jesus. I lost my brother when he was this age, and being in the age he was when he met with ur Creator, I felt like I understand him better. I always thought that the older you get, the more confident and knowledgeable you become. Now it is the opposite… the older you get, the more you know you need more knowledge, and the more fearful you become.

Whatever tomorrow might bring, I am trusting God fully. I know that God will create wonderful miracles, and rescue us frm the devil’s snout.

as for me, I will glorify God with my works and have no time for mediocrity. God, give us all another chance…

Sunday, February 4, 2018

How the 26 Martyrs of Japan are effective witnesses until today

I haven't been blogging for years--- I don't know why I neglected it, but it's good to be back... though I am sure there may be some grammatical errors and bits of changes in my writing style, I still would like to go on.

I just got back from a Japan trip recently and I am still not sure if I already have collected my thoughts. The trip gave me mixed emotions, but something in me definitely changed.

I intended to film materials for Catholic City channel and Catholic City fanpage, and so we went to the sites where Catholicism was brought to Japan. My favorite saint, St. Francis Xavier, was the one who personally went to Japan to spread the good news, and left a few years after to spread the Gospel somewhere else. I even found the handwritten letters of St. Francis of Xavier and St. Ignatius de Loyola! What a treat! It was an overwhelming feeling seeing these awesome saints' handwriting!

Letter of St. Ignatius de Loyola


Letter of St. Francis Xavier

To be honest, I didn't expect anything coming here. My enthusiasm as of late have gone down the drain. I didn't really feel hyped or excited. I was indifferent. My devotions were just routinary. I was just doing things because I had made my commitment with God. It had been months since I have been this way. Despite all this, I still stayed and did my devotions as faithful as I can, not because I am holy, but because I knew that if I let go of God, I will completely drift away to nothingness. I am not afraid of anything in this world anymore, not even death--- I am only afraid of the day I will let go of God's hand.

But all things changed, the day I visited the Museum of the 26 Martyrs. I was facinated with the facade!



 There were the statues of the 26 martyrs on display, and overlooking was the St. Philip Catholic Church which looked so artistic against the winter sky. It was a different architecture from what I was used to with Catholic churches, but it stood so majestic. (the picture below didn't do the architecture justice)

Before coming to the 26 martyrs museum, I had previously visited the Nagasaki Atomic Bomb Museum, and there, I felt so down. The deaths were sudden and none of them expected that they'd die that day. My heart was heavy just thinking about the poor people who suffered the tragedy. Their death was not their choice, so I wondered, where did their souls go?

However, my encounter with the 26 Martyrs was different. Though they were dealing with death too, the difference here was that these 26 men were martyred and it was a choice they had made! They had chosen to serve Jesus, even if it meant hiding in caves, in undergrounds, and suffer horrible totures, just so they could practice their faith.

What's more impressive was that these people weren't just uneducated fanatics or ignorant people, rather, they were the brilliant minds of their lot. Some of them were very influential people in their society who had a lot to lose, and yet, they set it all aside for the love of Jesus!

One of these martyrs was St. Paul Miki, a son of a wealthy military leader. He entered the Jesuit seminary to serve the King of kings at a young age of 18. He was a renowned brilliant speaker who was supposed to be the first Japanese priest if he had escaped arrest.


Saints Paul Miki, John Goto, James Kisai

His last words from the cross were:

"All of you who are here,
please listen to me,
I did not come from the Philippines,
I am a Japanese by birth,
and a brother of the society of Jesus.
I have committed no crime,
and the only reason why I am put to death
is that I have been teaching the doctrine of Our Lord Jesus Christ!

I am very happy to die for such a cause,
and see my death as a great blessing from the Lord.
At this critical time, when,
you can rest assured that
I will not try to decieve you,
I want to stress,
and make it unmistakeably clear,
that man can find no way other than the Christian way.
The Christian law demands that we forgive our enemies,
and those who have wronged us.
I must therefore say that I forgive Taikosama (Hideyoshi).
I would rather have all the Japanese become Christians."

(From Luis Frois S.J.'s  Martyrs Records, 1597)

That must be tough, and tough is an understatement! I am impressed with his eloquence, and most of all, I couldn't help but admire their steadfast convictions.

They were persecuted and were horribly tortured for being Christians, and despite all the threats intended to make them give up,  they became emboldened and chose to die happily for the Lord Jesus. This is what a glorious death looks like! Foolishness in the eyes of the world, but in reality, this is a privilege given by God to only a few.

I was deeply affected reading about them. Getting to know these martyrs made me envy their martyrdom! What courage! What love for Jesus...such devotion! Only those who are humble before God can undergo all the hardships and pain they went through. They have fought a good fight.


Gracia Hosokawa, she was well known for her virtue, intelligence, and beauty. She endured many trials and stayed faithful to Christianity until her death. She was killed in 1600.

As I reflected on their lives, in contrast with mine, my efforts were just so miniscule compared to them. Because of their way of life, I got convinced of what a great God my God is... I once again became curious of the kind of Lord we, as Christians, served---that these people left everything, suffered hardships, lost their lives, just for this great God. I am amazed that, through their way of life, and even through their deaths, they could still preach to people like me even when they died centuries ago! My heart became alive, I was awakened, no doubt about it! The fire in my soul was fueled!

And now, I feel so blessed to belong in the Church these brave souls are members of. It's people like them who make me stay in the Church, even when it seems that the ship of Catholicism nowadays is sinking, (but will never be effaced until the end of time Matthew 16:18 "I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.").

Truly, the blood of the martyrs is the lifeblood/foundation of the Church. I have benifitted from their martyrdom, and I feel that I can go on in my commitment with more zeal and vigor because they have been true witnesses of Christ. They are my big brothers and sisters who went before me to the kingdom of God, true soldiers of the King, my King. They are a great example, and I want to be just like them! The trip was worth it, because I came back home wanting to serve and love God the way they have loved Him. Thank God for their witnessing, thank God for the blood of these martyrs! Now, like them, I would never want to give up till my last breath!


Pray for us!

Deo Gracias!


Sunday, June 12, 2016

We Entered Shakey's Let's Sing COntest. We Need Support!

Hi Friends!!!!

We need support and views. Kindly find the time to watch this video for a Pizza chain contest which we did together with my nephews and niece.
 I decided to explore the world of filmmaking and although I still have a lot of flaws as glaring as the sun, I am pretty satisfied how this one day shoot/edit turned out. Thanks so much for the support guys! It means so much to us! ^__^

Friday, October 10, 2014

The Miracle of the Sacrament of Reconciliation in my life

Well, after months of hibernation, here I am writing my thoughts and my experiences. My emotions are still unstable and I must admit that I haven't been able to collect my thoughts. I am devastated.... sometimes I am happy, but that feeling easily dissipates whenever I think of the brother I lost. I love that brother of mine--- he was a person I failed to appreciate while he was alive. I thought I was living righteously and my condemnation of his chosen lifestyle have been too much for him that it got to the point that I never spoke to him for years... NEVER HATE. Please don't... I learned it the hard way. Hate is murder--- when you hate, you begin to destroy a person's character, his reputation, his chances of being loved by other people. And when you do, you cut off a person's lifeline--- without love and appreciation, a person cannot live.

I have been very afraid to look into my ugly reflection, so I tried to look ahead and do things that was supposed to help his soul. But I couldn't keep it all under a rug... deep inside I knew I need to confront my filthy pathetic self.

The truth is, try as I might of not thinking about it, I cannot truly forgive myself. It surfaces every now and then, I become hateful of myself that I begin to lash it out on other people. I knew I needed healing--- for months I didn't know where to go. I have confessed my sins over and over again--- but to no avail. I still fall into a cycle. But the first Friday of October was different---- for the longest time, I have this deep seated feeling that after all that had happened, God can never forgive me. I can never forgive me. I hate myself, and thus, I knew I need help. I get depressed and frustrated all the time--- but I couldn't escape myself. No matter what I do--- I have this gnawing feeling that I am stained. My hands are guilty of my brother's blood. For making him sad when he was with us... for talking behind his back, for isolating him. I cannot stand the thought, my heart is being crushed whenever I remember all my tortures I inflicted on him.

All people need to be loved and understood. That is what I failed to recognize. I was so caught up with my own problems which are so little compared to others, that I was not able to understand my brother's pain--- the pain of loneliness which is slowly eating him whole.

And now I am starting to hate myself, hate others again--- because I couldn't forgive myself. I was slowly falling in desperation. I needed to see my brother--- I wanted so bad to hear him say he has forgiven me. . .  but I guess, I am not worthy of that assurance. I know that as long as I am alive--- I can never atone for my selfishness. But in God's mercy, I can stand before Him at Mass without lightning striking me because of my sinfulness.

God was merciful to me.... I needed to write down my Sacrament of Reconciliation last October 3, 2014, just in case some monster beneath my bed starts to tell me I am not forgiven.

Before I went to confession, i was asked by a girl to read for the nine offices which was a costum every first Friday Vigil for the Sacred Heart of Jesus. And the 2nd reading which was assigned to me was about God as a Lover.

God is Love--- and anyone who hates his brother and says he loves God is a liar! Those words hit me. I am that liar! I have been a liar--- because I cannot see my faults, especially when dealing with people. That statement struck me big time.

I have been going to confession frequently, specially ever since my brother died so that I can be pure, and be in a state of grace, and that my prayer will have great effect for his soul---- but last October first Friday was so tailored fit--- it wasn't a generic absolution, for the first time in my life, during confession--- I felt the Lord was talking to me. I cried in the confession box, because the priest, not knowing who I am and about my past, told me to stop a sin which I am imprisoned in, and it was clear, that Jesus doesn't want me to fall in that kind of sin anymore. The priest also mentioned an instance which was the same situation of me and my brother. I knew then that it was Jesus trying to heal me from myself. He wants me to know that He has forgiven me, even if I can't forgive myself--- only then could I be free. Forgiving myself doesn't mean I am no longer guilty--- but rather, that I stay humble, and give allowance to other people and be understanding. Only then can I become a real disciple of Jesus.

How can a person who couldn't forgive himself, expect to be able to forgive others? Yes--- that is me, I hate myself, thus I hate others. But through God's mercy, I have faith, I have the capacity, my love will have continuous flow because I draw the water of love from the God of Love. I will never run out of Love.... if only, if only I listened to God with all my heart before this, then I would have been able to love my brother.

I don't know what will become of me, just that I felt I really need to write this down. The devil will not let me go easily, and will make me doubt God's forgiveness. I will come back and read this as a reminder of God's promise. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is an effective tool to exorcise people, and to free a person from his sins.

I can never stand before God proudly. But through his love and mercy, I am allowed to approach Him. Blessed be God forever! Preserve me in your grace O, Lord, that my life would be an atonement for my sins and the sins of the world.

Thank you very much,

Anaid Ace


Sunday, April 20, 2014

Easter 2014 and my Birthday

I haven't written in a long time because of a tragedy that struck me and my family in the early part of this year. But this Easter, we seemed to be the hallelujah people, as Pope John Paul II said "Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song"

It became so true in my case. Lent came early for us on the First Saturday of January. My brother died, all of a sudden, our world crumbled. I personally didn't know how to go on in this world anymore. I couldn't explain the loss, I couldn't explain how my emotions were--- there were too many things to process and even now, if I try to recall everything, I still feel that I will not be able to go on without breaking down.

We are in mourning ever since, and holy week was very evident to us. God seemed to be absent in our trial, our misery.... but no matter how I deny it, I came to a realization that I came to understand Christ's passion even more. I used to contemplate and meditate Christ's pain during lent before this year--- but I remained to be just a mere observer. But this year was different. My brother who I thought was doing nothing for God, have become my gateway to God's wisdom and work in my life. Through his death, I have come to know of God's faithfulness, His mercy, His thirst for souls.... I was humbled--- I thought I was the one who loved God and did more for God than anyone around me---- but on the contrary, I was only putting on a show. God knew me better than anyone, and in His grace--- he saved me from myself--- he saved me from my masks, my hatred, my unforgiving heart, my pride, my blindness. I was a mess, a filthy sinner.

Through my brother's death, I came to know more about God---- I used to know God in His justice, but now, I know God in His infinite mercy.... that is what I hold on to, because without God's Mercy, who can stand?

Holy week 2014 have been very meaningful to me.
Came Easter, my birthday. God gave me a gift, He had my aunt call my mom to tell her that she dreamt of my brother  on Easter Vigil kneeling before a resurrected Christ. And he was wearing white and finally turned to my aunt and waved goodbye to follow Christ. It was something that greatly set me free---- my God is the God of the living, He has risen, and so will those who followed Him. Winning against death, Jesus will certainly be faithful to those who followed him.

God also made it happen that I get to see the relics of the greatest Pope that I look up to, the Pope who knew artists the best. I asked Pope John Paul II to guide us in the media.









Then Easter came, I went to two Masses to offer for atonement and for conversion. And in between Masses, God inspired the musicians to play a Happy Birthday song, it was so random--- no one there knew that it was my birthday because no one there knew me--- But God knew me. It made me smile, I disregarded my birthday to make way for the mother of celebrations which was His resurrection--- but He included me. 




I am sold--- I am in love with the God who loves me. Who disciplines me when I am in a mess---- it is a painful travel to stay faithful to Him---- but I know it will be worth it. I sing my hallelujah--- with the new hope and new life, which Easter represents--- I want to shine the light of Christ in the world. Amen!


Monday, February 11, 2013

Cardinal Ratzinger's Homily at John Paul II's Funeral Mass


"He Roused Us From a Lethargic Faith"

April 08, 2005 | 4722 hits


"Follow me." The Risen Lord says these words to Peter. They are his last words to this disciple, chosen to shepherd his flock. "Follow me" -- this lapidary saying of Christ can be taken as the key to understanding the message which comes to us from the life of our late beloved Pope John Paul II. Today we bury his remains in the earth as a seed of immortality -- our hearts are full of sadness, yet at the same time of joyful hope and profound gratitude.

These are the sentiments that inspire us, brothers and sisters in Christ, present here in St. Peter's Square, in neighboring streets and in various other locations within the city of Rome, where an immense crowd, silently praying, has gathered over the last few days. I greet all of you from my heart. In the name of the College of Cardinals, I also wish to express my respects to heads of state, heads of government and the delegations from various countries.

I greet the authorities and official representatives of other Churches and Christian Communities, and likewise those of different religions. Next I greet the archbishops, bishops, priests, religious men and women and the faithful who have come here from every continent; especially the young, whom John Paul II liked to call the future and the hope of the Church. My greeting is extended, moreover, to all those throughout the world who are united with us through radio and television in this solemn celebration of our beloved Holy Father's funeral.

Follow me -- as a young student Karol Wojtyla was thrilled by literature, the theater and poetry. Working in a chemical plant, surrounded and threatened by the Nazi terror, he heard the voice of the Lord: Follow me! In this extraordinary setting he began to read books of philosophy and theology, and then entered the clandestine seminary established by Cardinal Sapieha. After the war he was able to complete his studies in the faculty of theology of the Jagiellonian University of Krakow.

How often, in his letters to priests and in his autobiographical books, has he spoken to us about his priesthood, to which he was ordained on November 1, 1946. In these texts he interprets his priesthood with particular reference to three sayings of the Lord.

First: "It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain" (John 15:16). The second saying is: "A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep" (John 10:11). And then: "As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love" (John 15:9). In these three sayings we see the heart and soul of our Holy Father. He really went everywhere, untiringly, in order to bear fruit, fruit that lasts.

"Rise, Let Us Be on Our Way!" is the title of his next-to-last book. "Rise, let us be on our way!" -- with these words he roused us from a lethargic faith, from the sleep of the disciples of both yesterday and today. "Rise, let us be on our way!" he continues to say to us even today. The Holy Father was a priest to the last, for he offered his life to God for his flock and for the entire human family, in a daily self-oblation for the service of the Church, especially amid the sufferings of his final months. And in this way he became one with Christ, the Good Shepherd who loves his sheep.

Finally, "abide in my love": The Pope who tried to meet everyone, who had an ability to forgive and to open his heart to all, tells us once again today, with these words of the Lord, that by abiding in the love of Christ we learn, at the school of Christ, the art of true love.

Follow me! In July 1958, the young priest Karol Wojtyla began a new stage in his journey with the Lord and in the footsteps of the Lord. Karol had gone to the Masuri lakes for his usual vacation, along with a group of young people who loved canoeing. But he brought with him a letter inviting him to call on the primate of Poland, Cardinal Wyszynski. He could guess the purpose of the meeting: He was to be appointed as the auxiliary bishop of Krakow.

Leaving the academic world, leaving this challenging engagement with young people, leaving the great intellectual endeavor of striving to understand and interpret the mystery of that creature which is man and of communicating to today's world the Christian interpretation of our being -- all this must have seemed to him like losing his very self, losing what had become the very human identity of this young priest. Follow me -- Karol Wojtyla accepted the appointment, for he heard in the Church's call the voice of Christ. And then he realized how true are the Lord's words: "Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses it will save it" (Luke 17:33).

Our Pope -- and we all know this -- never wanted to make his own life secure, to keep it for himself; he wanted to give of himself unreservedly, to the very last moment, for Christ and thus also for us. And thus he came to experience how everything which he had given over into the Lord's hands, came back to him in a new way. His love of words, of poetry, of literature, became an essential part of his pastoral mission and gave new vitality, new urgency, new attractiveness to the preaching of the Gospel, even when it is a sign of contradiction.

Follow me! In October 1978, Cardinal Wojtyla once again heard the voice of the Lord. Once more there took place that dialogue with Peter reported in the Gospel of this Mass: "Simon, son of John, do you love me? Feed my sheep!" To the Lord's question, "Karol, do you love me?" the archbishop of Krakow answered from the depths of his heart: "Lord you know everything; you know that I love you." The love of Christ was the dominant force in the life of our beloved Holy Father. Anyone who ever saw him pray, who ever heard him preach, knows that. Thanks to his being profoundly rooted in Christ, he was able to bear a burden which transcends merely human abilities: that of being the shepherd of Christ's flock, his universal Church.

This is not the time to speak of the specific content of this rich pontificate. I would like only to read two passages of today's liturgy which reflect central elements of his message. In the first reading, St. Peter says -- and with St. Peter, the Pope himself -- "In truth, I see that God shows no partiality. Rather, in every nation whoever fears him and acts uprightly is acceptable to him. You know the word (that) he sent to the Israelites as he proclaimed peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all" (Acts 10:34-36). And in the second reading, St. Paul -- and with St. Paul, our late Pope -- exhorts us, crying out: "Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, in this way stand firm in the Lord, beloved" (Philippians 4:1).

Follow me! Together with the command to feed his flock, Christ proclaimed to Peter that he would die a martyr's death. With those words, which conclude and sum up the dialogue on love and on the mandate of the universal shepherd, the Lord recalls another dialogue, which took place during the Last Supper. There Jesus had said: "Where I am going, you cannot come." Peter said to him, "Lord, where are you going?" Jesus replied: "Where I am going, you cannot follow me now; but you will follow me afterward" (John 13:33,36). Jesus from the Supper went toward the Cross, went toward his resurrection -- he entered into the paschal mystery; and Peter could not yet follow him. Now -- after the resurrection -- comes the time, comes this "afterward."

By shepherding the flock of Christ, Peter enters into the paschal mystery, he goes toward the cross and the resurrection. The Lord says this in these words: "when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go" (John 21:18).

In the first years of his pontificate, still young and full of energy, the Holy Father went to the very ends of the earth, guided by Christ. But afterward, he increasingly entered into the communion of Christ's sufferings; increasingly he understood the truth of the words: "someone else will dress you." And in this very communion with the suffering Lord, tirelessly and with renewed intensity, he proclaimed the Gospel, the mystery of that love which goes to the end (cf. John 13:1).

He interpreted for us the paschal mystery as a mystery of divine mercy. In his last book, he wrote: The limit imposed upon evil "is ultimately Divine Mercy" ("Memory and Identity," pp. 60- 61). And reflecting on the assassination attempt, he said: "In sacrificing himself for us all, Christ gave a new meaning to suffering, opening up a new dimension, a new order: the order of love. ... It is this suffering which burns and consumes evil with the flame of love and draws forth even from sin a great flowering of good" (pp. 189-190). Impelled by this vision, the Pope suffered and loved in communion with Christ, and that is why the message of his suffering and his silence proved so eloquent and so fruitful.

Divine Mercy: the Holy Father found the purest reflection of God's mercy in the Mother of God. He, who at an early age had lost his own mother, loved his divine mother all the more. He heard the words of the crucified Lord as addressed personally to him: "Behold your Mother." And so he did as the beloved disciple did: "he took her into his own home" (John 19:27) -- "Totus tuus." And from the mother he learned to conform himself to Christ.

None of us can ever forget how in that last Easter Sunday of his life, the Holy Father, marked by suffering, came once more to the window of the Apostolic Palace and one last time gave his blessing "urbi et orbi." We can be sure that our beloved Pope is standing today at the window of the Father’s house, that he sees us and blesses us. Yes, bless us, Holy Father. We entrust your dear soul to the Mother of God, your Mother, who guided you each day and who will guide you now to the eternal glory of her Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

[Original text in Italian; translation issued by Holy See]