routine

When people approach me for work, I feel happy for the recognition….. must be vanity.
When I work and execute it… the difficulties of the process makes me wonder why I do the things I do… must quit after this is done…
But when I am done and am finished to give my work to people, that is the time when I realize I just can’t quit… and the same routine have repeat performance… it’s because there’s magic in what I do. A magic that I see in people everytime I give it to them… it’s their SMILES that radiates genuine happiness. 

In Chains

What am I doing to myself?... losing sight of my dreams amidst so many false activities that take me nowhere. I am exasperated... I don't want to be, but I feel so smothered. How on earth did I manage to put myself in this situation?

I am losing my purpose. I am drowned in false pursuits that veers me away from my focus... I don't mind enduring hardships so long as it takes me to my dream... but I know I am lost... I need to get out of this soon.... It is giving me stress and unhappiness... :(

The Foolish traveler

this is the story of the most foolish traveler in the world. The story I have come to love.... and wanted to be...

once upon a time, there was a foolish traveler who had gone on a journey. why was he foolish? well, because he was fooled by everyone he met!

everywhere he went, people made up all kinds of sad stories to tell him, and the traveler fell for every one of them.


please, some money for medicine…?
i have a sick younger sister…
i don’t have money to buy seeds to plant in my fields.


pretty soon, his money, his clothes, even his shoes had been cheated away from him.

however, the foolish traveler was always glad to help. for everyone of them, he’ll smile and say, “i wish you happiness.”

but by this point, the traveler was completely naked, and with nothing left to cover himself, he decided to leave the main road and travel through the dense forest, where no one could see him…

soon, he was discovered by the goblins that lived in the woods. the goblins wanted to eat the traveler’s body, so they begged and pleaded, and used kind words to try and trick him…
of course, the traveler was fooled. first, he let the goblins eat one of his legs. then an arm. then more and more…before it was over, all that the traveler had left was his head. he’d even given his eyes away to the last of the goblins…

and as the last goblin was eating the traveler’s eyes, he turned and said “thank you, traveler. in return, i leave you this present.”







what the goblin left was a slip of paper, with the word “fool” written on it. the traveler couldn’t see it. he didn’t know what it was. even so, tears began to flow down his face. “thank you,” he said. “this is the first present anyone ever gave me. i’m so happy. i’m so happy. thank you.”

even without his eyes, he cried and cried great tears of joy. then, the traveler died, with a smile on his face.
and that’s…the end of the story.
i close my eyes and think about him a little bit longer. i think about how he had given everything away, until all he had left was his head…and how at the end, he still cried for joy as he said thank you.
and then i realize…i feel sorry for him.
see? loss, hardship, things like that? you can’t only focus on them. the traveler didn’t…he never thought about his own troubles at all.
i imagine that it probably does sound really foolish to some people. but i don’t think he’s foolish at all. even though other people probably think he was being tricked? i don’t think he was. i think he did exactly what he wanted to do.
i think, more than anything, he just wanted to make others happy.
what do you think? really? is that foolish? when you close your eyes and think about it, is that what it is?

Happiness is...

... the ability to make each day fun and interesting when there's nothing much going on around you. I realized that to work on your self and seeing the bright side of things makes someone's outlook in life positive...

Found our old goofing around shots one Sunday last year... I kinda miss this... :)

You know you're on your way to your dreams when...

... they start saying "You're crazy!"
... they start saying "Wake up, life isn't a bed of roses"
... they give you responsibilities "To teach you some reality bites"

Oh yeah... it's when they start repeating these things to you, not to discourage you, but because you reflect the image of the person they should have been if they didn't limit themselves to "reality"... and that makes them uncomfortable. Deep inside them, they are afraid that you'd be getting somewhere that they have not traversed for they have stayed where they are because of fear of the unknown. They are afraid to admit that they didn't do everything for their dream. I am happy that although I have few people to back me up on my dreams, I know who I want and what I want to be, and I fan the flames of my enthusiasm. May my dreams never fade away... because that is the purpose of my being...

It's sad that they feed you with these lies just because they allowed themselves to be defeated with these excuses. And may I add... isn't it good when you're crazy about something, that you'd do everything to get it? Success is about taking big leaps... it is never about staying in the comfort zone.

And to the people who think I'm crazy... Yeah, this is a person who do crazy things just to reach her dream... and I am proud because I am like that... I am sorry, I will keep walking forward! ;)

- artwork by me for my illustration commission... still unfinished :)

Cute Treats from Japan

My sister had been travelling to Japan a lot of times and I wasn't able to go with her because either she's busy with her business or that I am not financially stable by that time... it's really frustrating at times ... but I guess it's okay... soon I can go there, just a little patience. In the meantime, I enjoyed these cool treats she gave me.

A samurai watch, Doraemon cookies with filling inside, and cute bird munchies.... awesome isn't it? ^_^

My Under the radar help during the wee hours of the morning

Aside from my beloved DSLR, I always forget to mention that I have been getting a lot of help from my Laptop... yeah, I take it always with me during my location shoots for downloading. I am just pretty much sad that it's mostly used for that, or when we need music to set up the mood. It's pretty much a very high end PC with high end features, so I am regretful that I didn't get to use it for my editing needs. It will grace the scene someday... I just felt happy that I realized I am well equipped somehow with the things I need...so what can stop me from producing great things right? :)

UST - got a chance shoot at my dad's alma matter

Happy Father's Day to my dad, and my BIG DAD up there! (flying kiss to the sky) :) Just thought of posting a pic I had when I went to shoot a prenup in University of Santo Tomas where my dad got Magna Cum Laude in Philo. Aww I wish I studied better, but I will live my life with flying colors, so no worries... dad must be very proud of me... hehehehe ^__^

Been very busy again... so no time for posting...

Sailing Heart ~~~

My 5-day vacation is over... my journey gearing towards my thoughts had enabled me to refocus on my goals. I hope that I am all set to make it happen again... I lost motivation somehow somewhere along the way. And I am now in the process of retracing my steps and redirecting myself to other things that could stir that dormant dream of mine.. . I guess it's just that due to time that slipped through my fingers, I allowed myself to let go of the enthusiasm. I had been unfair to myself... but now, I need to recollect my thoughts, make that dream of mine shining, and reach it steadily. No more detours... that's right... no more detours! :)

found an old pic with my nephew... :D
I didn't know he looked at me as if I was being absurd hahaha...cams don't lie :))

White Collar Guy!

Those pretty eyes :)
I like his role in Chuck as a CIA agent. He was cool, but he had to be removed from the show because he was employed in a new tv series "White Collar".

Watching tv shows and catching up to the latest trend is my occupation lately. This is the only time I could veer my thoughts away from my busy schedule and I am forced to run my mind to new ideas. So far, I am enjoying it... it takes my lunchtime on weekdays lately... I don't mind. I am somewhat enjoying it so far... :D

My Life of Independence

June 2010 will be the start of my independence. I will be living on my own now, because mom decided we're already grown ups... no rules, no curfew, no restrictions! I can do whatever I want! Now I am making simple rules for myself... there's only one thing I want most in my life now, to make my dreams come true! I am eager now not to hold back at all costs... if it's for my dream, I am ready to find my way, or make my way out there... 'cause life is what I make it.

God is my witness, as He made me the way I am, I will only make what He expects from me to materialize. Life has been kind to me... Oh Yeah! I guess from this point on, nothing can hold me down. Because my Maker is the One taking me by the hand... leading me to my inevitable great future! ^__^
FINALLY... I WILL FLY :D

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

Cramming

Bought a canvass for the going away present for a friend. I am going to paint again... what up? :D.... so excited. It's a practice for my upcoming painting series.

Anyhow, got so muddle-headed last night. I felt so tensed and I just couldn't relax. It's something I did during side-jobs (or rather did not do) and so I felt so down. I was so disappointed with myself... if only I could turn back time. There wasn't a take two! :( My heart was sinking in the pit of my stomach... I felt so devastated.

But they kept assuring me I was okay... I hope I am... really.. This is a journey toward my goals... exciting, but also very frightening. Someday... soon... I will be where I want to be. Wherever my dreams could take me... I will look back to this day, as only obstacles that I will only be laughing about.

My sketch of The ICE KING: Evgeny PLUSHENKO! ^__^

I got a surprise pass @ Bigfish International!

Life sometimes surprise you with good things.... even when you don't seem to deserve it... times like these, I can't help but smile... :)


I didn't know what the whole event was all about... but I got a pass without me expecting it, while a lot of party people I heard would die just so they could get in... and I get paid too to be there! So excited, suddenly life is starting to get exciting for me ^__^

Tears for Fears: Awesome Night

Still intoxicated with the latest concert I watched with Aileen and Mel. With us were Aileen's hubby Papa Rey, and cool dude son, Ram.
I didn't really plan to go... but they were so nice as to include me when they bought the tickets. Very thoughtful people. Without them I couldn't have gotten the shots I took... a shot that almost took my breath away with amazement. I had vanquished the thought of ever being able to shoot in low light conditions. I always thought I sucked... but to my amazement... I took some shots that appealed to my taste... finally! i have struggled for so long... and didn't have the confidence because I was not satisfied with my shots before. But this time around...



My passion in shooting gripped me that night. I wanted to take a picture again... and with my calculations and timing ready to click the shutter, I shot with precision... the crowd was maddening, but it was exhilarating. I knew I needed to capture the memory of that wonderful night! :) Imagine, as a kid... they were unreachable. But now... I couldn't believe it... I have them captured in my memory stick and was captured by my cam! I have photos originally my own of Tears for Fears!

And so, it may or may not be the best shots there is of that night... I dare say... I congratulate myself for being able to produce the pics. It was the first time I satisfied myself... really. I was so awestruck... I finally knew I had it. I won't stop... I will try and try again... until I finally reach satisfaction in what I do.

Oh yeah! ^__^

Haters are confused admirers who can't understand why everybody loves you

Shine with joy and without fear! No one lights a lamp to hide it behind the door.

My Birthday! ^__^

2010 looks promising for me... this is my day and yet another year to prove myself. God has been so kind to me, will stay with me till the end of my days.

Here are the snapshots of me today... reading my fave book of all time. It's my bible...hehehe. Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. ^__^

My Birth History... Just my analysis...

My name, mom told me, was derived from two princesses who graced the world in elegance and flair. They were Princess Diana and Princess Grace Kelly. They were both style and fashion icons...and so imagine how disappointed my mom was that I wear rugged clothes most of the time and she rarely sees me donning feminine clothes... ^__^... my mom loved to dress me up... but being somewhat a strong willed child that I am, and my love for the outdoors and sports, I veered away from her plans because of necessity on the nature of my activities :D... Don't get me wrong, I adore these ladies... after all, I am in line with glam photography and I love elegant fashion, and it's not late for me to add a new flair in my wardrobe ;).
Anyhow, sadly, these two princesses had an odd end. What was weird was that they both died in a car accident... what are the chances that both these princesses will die in a car crash... and both of them are my names no less... creepy...







And I looked up who has the same birth day and month as mine... and I found out one celebrity. . . April 20... why.... Adolf Hitler!!! Now, here's someone who really changed the course of history! I also found out that he's an artist... ugh..



Anyhow... that's all about it. What I notice about these three personalities was that they made an impact to the world... I hope I will too... for the good of course!
I want that in my own unique way, I could really make an impression. I don't know where this passion of taking over the world stems from... and my idealistic thinking... probably from Fyodor Dostoevsky :P . . . I was lucky to have people in my formative years, who reared me in goodness and values. There are things yet to learn, but I am happy that my foundation is of a conscientious nature. I may have hurt people in the past... but I readily admit when I'm in the wrong. May the day never comes that I will be consumed by evil.

I have to pull my act together...

I was scheduled to go out of town this weekend for my birthday celebration with friends... but my former employer called me up to shoot a wedding. Arghhhh! The very thing I was running away from is running after me... but I need to face my fears. The challenge won't wait for me forever... I need to pull myself together.

Shooting weddings have given me a traumatic experience as I have not been able to go home with nice shots... I know I had good shots, but not as good and awesome as the people I was with. Anyhow... I can't live in fear forever. I must be brave to face them. I don't know... I thought I had come to terms with my fears and incompetence when it comes to shooting events... and i thought I was ready to take up the challenge. Why am I so helpless... and why can't I believe in myself as much as other people believe in me? This is bad... my fear of disappointing myself is stronger than I thought. This is insane!

I hope that after the vacation, I will be enthusiastic again. I need to practice more if I want to shoot the likes of Plushenko and Yagudin! ^__^ . . . I am indeed battling with myself this time... I need a project that could satisfy me...it's as if I'm looking for something that is still unknown... my search is leading me nowhere... anyways... I know soon, I'll find my rainbow... I just hope it's sooner than soon ... (sigh)

I know I'm living on the Edge...

Gifted with these crazy dreams that won't leave me no matter how much I try to shake them off of me, I know that from this point on, I was given a cue whether to jump into the bandwagon of the successful dreamers the world has ever known or be the simpleton that I am now.

I introspected, and realized that I had been indeed hibernating in my comfort zone. Now, the question is, should I stay, or should I go? (I know, it's a song by The Clash :P)... I am afraid of the many people who'd torment me day and night about their negative opinions they have of me (although I had only experienced this from a very few people and it was really me who torments myself), but then again, I had to think... what about those people that I'd inspire because of God's gift through me? There is no doubt that the way of fulfilling one's dream is hard and at times trial after trials will come our way to discourage us... but now that I think about it, I will give it a shot! That's my only chance in this life. . . better fail trying than asking myself the "What ifs" of life.

And also, I am not a big fan of getting left behind. So I have listed steps to make me the person that I'm supposed to be. I hope I can still make it... my dreams will direct my path. I just hope my burning passion for it will not fade away as time passes by... I just hope and pray that I'd get to see more and more people who will also appreciate my works... how can they not like it? After all, I do believe that my passion, my talents, and my works, will come from my God... ^__^

DOUBLE TIME! I Need to excel right away!

Yes, I have decided on a whim... i want to be a Sports Photographer. I have tried my hands on everything else and didn't fare in some, and so I want to try this one too. ^__^
I really really really love sports, I knew I should've been an athlete... if only I wasn't so sickly as I child (*blech*)... I didn't know why I have been so athletic...none of my family members love sports....

Anyways, found these cute rivals ^__^... a bonus!!! alright! So excited!
I need to excel fast if I want to photograph these two geniuses while they're still active in their sport... ^__^
And also, It's high time that my camera captures good-looking guys! And I really need to upgrade....Yehey!