Crossing the threshold of New Year! 2010 :)

I was a bit saddened because I wasn't able to attend the New Year Mass. It was supposed to be the Mary mother of God, New Year, and First Friday.... That was quite a handful for a day... but we weren't able to attend. Anyhow, that was the first time I felt fear that what if one day I won't be able to go to Mass? God was always available from where I live and I never even took time to make him first in my list... got a lot of things to do but I must always remember to make God first in my list of to do's. I am quite nervous...fed up with everyday life. But from now on, I will let God take my hand and lead me... I have nowhere else to go... 2010... I know I will be alright as long as I am doing what God wants me to do...

Dawning of another New Year

I am tired as I am writing this. But I guess I needed an outlet somehow. I feel trapped in my own web... But who am I to complain? I chose this lot. I preferred to get busy and do things my way. I never allowed other people to interfere with my life. Actually, I am quite happy.... most of my goals, I was able to achieve for 2009. Although it was a roller coaster ride... I guess I can never complain. 2009 had been a good year for me... tears, laughter, pain, and joy... these were all what my year consisted. I do know that when a person believes that a good thing will happen to him/her, eventually it will. I tried to smile despite the sadness, and eventually I started seeing the light again. I just hope that 2010 will bring me good news and new experiences. I wish that I will be jolly in embracing every good thing that comes my way. I will try to love people, places, and new experiences and refrain from being a pessimist.

Cheers to 2010! :)

Amazing people exist!!!

As I grew older, I've learned that you don't meet amazing people when you go out of your house...or go and travel around the world. Well, basically this is true.... but what I learned was that I can never see their amazing traits if I don't see the fascinating trait about me. It all starts in discovering who you are and what you can give to the world. When you see yourself as someone important and that you have something in you that you feel is fantastic, you can't help but to see the good things in other people too.
Like you, they have things that are truly amazing in them. I am happy that I realized this, and because of this realization, I know I can like everybody if I try. Furthermore, I will not mind the people who think ill of me, or look down on me. They have the right to think the way they do. It's their business not mine. I will live life not bothered by this. As long as I don't bother other people or intentionally be offensive, I believe that I will be better and be one of those truly amazing people I idolize.
Now I look forward to meeting people. I take the good along with the bad. That's the only way I can learn a lot about life. I am sorry for my childish behavior in the past. I am now ready to take over the world! I want that to be my motto one day :D

As for life, the world is so vast... I will be lucky if one day, a little ounce of attention be given to me. But I didn't ask for that... I guess what I want... is something I would love looking at, that comes from my creativity...
Anyhow... this universe, has a lot of amazing people living in it! The people I meet everyday... they are truly amazing. Even if they bitch out on me... that's part of life. Hehehe.

And I dare call myself a human being?

A few days ago, an old lady approached me and called out to me. I heard her, but pretended I didn't for I had my earphones placed in my ears. I thought to myself that she was just another one of those people who'd ask you for fare so that they could go home, but in reality, they were only fooling people so that they will get money. I don't like to be tricked, so I ignored people like that. I admit, I am not holier than thou, but still I want to be a good person. Who wants to be nagged by their conscience all the time? If only I could rip off my conscience away from me, then I would have done that a long time ago... but it can't be... because I am a human being. . .
Wait! Stop!..... did I just call myself a human being? Then why did I ignore the needy person I encountered that evening? That is pure monstrosity.... I am a monster...not a human being. I debated on my way home if I'd go back and give her some coins, anyway, I didn't need much of that, but my selfishness bested me. So I got home without losing a penny, but losing much of my peace of mind. I was confronted with the thought "What if she was for real?".... and so guilty was I that I looked for assurance from my mom and told her about the old lady. My mom told me that she must be another of those people who asks for fare, but in reality they were asking for money so that they could buy food. I was bothered by this and insisted that she could be one of those people who belong to a group of syndicates. My sister said that she'd rather be fooled than have her conscience bother her, anyway, it's not everyday that someone asks money from her...and it's just a little amount anyway. ....
With that.... my conscience tormented me all the more. And I dared call myself a human being when in fact I have a heart as cold as ice, closing my ears to the people who asks for help?.... why did I exist anyway? And what was the probability that out of the thousands of people that she could have encountered, she chose me??? I thought for a long time about the incident and I wasn't able to sleep well. I thought of the old lady's feelings. Imagine swallowing your pride and dignity by asking people for money? And not only that, people ignore her. I closed my eyes and imagined myself in her shoes for a moment...and the thought scared me... I don't want to be in her place... I am sure that if she only had a chance to live a different life, she wouldn't dream of degrading herself like that... perhaps...perhaps... out of pure necessity that she was ready to forget her pride. Maybe her grandchildren needed food or medicine that bad that is why she was forced to do it.... I don't know. Whatever is her reason... I can't forget her... and the other people that I ignored...
So in the future...do I dare? Perhaps my sister is right... it's better to lose a few amount of money that be bothered by my conscience... I want to be a better person. . . . so I could call myself a human being.