A few days ago, an old lady approached me and called out to me. I heard her, but pretended I didn't for I had my earphones placed in my ears. I thought to myself that she was just another one of those people who'd ask you for fare so that they could go home, but in reality, they were only fooling people so that they will get money. I don't like to be tricked, so I ignored people like that. I admit, I am not holier than thou, but still I want to be a good person. Who wants to be nagged by their conscience all the time? If only I could rip off my conscience away from me, then I would have done that a long time ago... but it can't be... because I am a human being. . .
Wait! Stop!..... did I just call myself a human being? Then why did I ignore the needy person I encountered that evening? That is pure monstrosity.... I am a monster...not a human being. I debated on my way home if I'd go back and give her some coins, anyway, I didn't need much of that, but my selfishness bested me. So I got home without losing a penny, but losing much of my peace of mind. I was confronted with the thought "What if she was for real?".... and so guilty was I that I looked for assurance from my mom and told her about the old lady. My mom told me that she must be another of those people who asks for fare, but in reality they were asking for money so that they could buy food. I was bothered by this and insisted that she could be one of those people who belong to a group of syndicates. My sister said that she'd rather be fooled than have her conscience bother her, anyway, it's not everyday that someone asks money from her...and it's just a little amount anyway. ....
With that.... my conscience tormented me all the more. And I dared call myself a human being when in fact I have a heart as cold as ice, closing my ears to the people who asks for help?.... why did I exist anyway? And what was the probability that out of the thousands of people that she could have encountered, she chose me??? I thought for a long time about the incident and I wasn't able to sleep well. I thought of the old lady's feelings. Imagine swallowing your pride and dignity by asking people for money? And not only that, people ignore her. I closed my eyes and imagined myself in her shoes for a moment...and the thought scared me... I don't want to be in her place... I am sure that if she only had a chance to live a different life, she wouldn't dream of degrading herself like that... perhaps...perhaps... out of pure necessity that she was ready to forget her pride. Maybe her grandchildren needed food or medicine that bad that is why she was forced to do it.... I don't know. Whatever is her reason... I can't forget her... and the other people that I ignored...
So in the future...do I dare? Perhaps my sister is right... it's better to lose a few amount of money that be bothered by my conscience... I want to be a better person. . . . so I could call myself a human being.
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