Easter 2014 and my Birthday

I haven't written in a long time because of a tragedy that struck me and my family in the early part of this year. But this Easter, we seemed to be the hallelujah people, as Pope John Paul II said "Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song"

It became so true in my case. Lent came early for us on the First Saturday of January. My brother died, all of a sudden, our world crumbled. I personally didn't know how to go on in this world anymore. I couldn't explain the loss, I couldn't explain how my emotions were--- there were too many things to process and even now, if I try to recall everything, I still feel that I will not be able to go on without breaking down.

We are in mourning ever since, and holy week was very evident to us. God seemed to be absent in our trial, our misery.... but no matter how I deny it, I came to a realization that I came to understand Christ's passion even more. I used to contemplate and meditate Christ's pain during lent before this year--- but I remained to be just a mere observer. But this year was different. My brother who I thought was doing nothing for God, have become my gateway to God's wisdom and work in my life. Through his death, I have come to know of God's faithfulness, His mercy, His thirst for souls.... I was humbled--- I thought I was the one who loved God and did more for God than anyone around me---- but on the contrary, I was only putting on a show. God knew me better than anyone, and in His grace--- he saved me from myself--- he saved me from my masks, my hatred, my unforgiving heart, my pride, my blindness. I was a mess, a filthy sinner.

Through my brother's death, I came to know more about God---- I used to know God in His justice, but now, I know God in His infinite mercy.... that is what I hold on to, because without God's Mercy, who can stand?

Holy week 2014 have been very meaningful to me.
Came Easter, my birthday. God gave me a gift, He had my aunt call my mom to tell her that she dreamt of my brother  on Easter Vigil kneeling before a resurrected Christ. And he was wearing white and finally turned to my aunt and waved goodbye to follow Christ. It was something that greatly set me free---- my God is the God of the living, He has risen, and so will those who followed Him. Winning against death, Jesus will certainly be faithful to those who followed him.

God also made it happen that I get to see the relics of the greatest Pope that I look up to, the Pope who knew artists the best. I asked Pope John Paul II to guide us in the media.

Then Easter came, I went to two Masses to offer for atonement and for conversion. And in between Masses, God inspired the musicians to play a Happy Birthday song, it was so random--- no one there knew that it was my birthday because no one there knew me--- But God knew me. It made me smile, I disregarded my birthday to make way for the mother of celebrations which was His resurrection--- but He included me. 

I am sold--- I am in love with the God who loves me. Who disciplines me when I am in a mess---- it is a painful travel to stay faithful to Him---- but I know it will be worth it. I sing my hallelujah--- with the new hope and new life, which Easter represents--- I want to shine the light of Christ in the world. Amen!

Cardinal Ratzinger's Homily at John Paul II's Funeral Mass

"He Roused Us From a Lethargic Faith"

April 08, 2005 | 4722 hits

"Follow me." The Risen Lord says these words to Peter. They are his last words to this disciple, chosen to shepherd his flock. "Follow me" -- this lapidary saying of Christ can be taken as the key to understanding the message which comes to us from the life of our late beloved Pope John Paul II. Today we bury his remains in the earth as a seed of immortality -- our hearts are full of sadness, yet at the same time of joyful hope and profound gratitude.

These are the sentiments that inspire us, brothers and sisters in Christ, present here in St. Peter's Square, in neighboring streets and in various other locations within the city of Rome, where an immense crowd, silently praying, has gathered over the last few days. I greet all of you from my heart. In the name of the College of Cardinals, I also wish to express my respects to heads of state, heads of government and the delegations from various countries.

I greet the authorities and official representatives of other Churches and Christian Communities, and likewise those of different religions. Next I greet the archbishops, bishops, priests, religious men and women and the faithful who have come here from every continent; especially the young, whom John Paul II liked to call the future and the hope of the Church. My greeting is extended, moreover, to all those throughout the world who are united with us through radio and television in this solemn celebration of our beloved Holy Father's funeral.

Follow me -- as a young student Karol Wojtyla was thrilled by literature, the theater and poetry. Working in a chemical plant, surrounded and threatened by the Nazi terror, he heard the voice of the Lord: Follow me! In this extraordinary setting he began to read books of philosophy and theology, and then entered the clandestine seminary established by Cardinal Sapieha. After the war he was able to complete his studies in the faculty of theology of the Jagiellonian University of Krakow.

How often, in his letters to priests and in his autobiographical books, has he spoken to us about his priesthood, to which he was ordained on November 1, 1946. In these texts he interprets his priesthood with particular reference to three sayings of the Lord.

First: "It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain" (John 15:16). The second saying is: "A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep" (John 10:11). And then: "As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love" (John 15:9). In these three sayings we see the heart and soul of our Holy Father. He really went everywhere, untiringly, in order to bear fruit, fruit that lasts.

"Rise, Let Us Be on Our Way!" is the title of his next-to-last book. "Rise, let us be on our way!" -- with these words he roused us from a lethargic faith, from the sleep of the disciples of both yesterday and today. "Rise, let us be on our way!" he continues to say to us even today. The Holy Father was a priest to the last, for he offered his life to God for his flock and for the entire human family, in a daily self-oblation for the service of the Church, especially amid the sufferings of his final months. And in this way he became one with Christ, the Good Shepherd who loves his sheep.

Finally, "abide in my love": The Pope who tried to meet everyone, who had an ability to forgive and to open his heart to all, tells us once again today, with these words of the Lord, that by abiding in the love of Christ we learn, at the school of Christ, the art of true love.

Follow me! In July 1958, the young priest Karol Wojtyla began a new stage in his journey with the Lord and in the footsteps of the Lord. Karol had gone to the Masuri lakes for his usual vacation, along with a group of young people who loved canoeing. But he brought with him a letter inviting him to call on the primate of Poland, Cardinal Wyszynski. He could guess the purpose of the meeting: He was to be appointed as the auxiliary bishop of Krakow.

Leaving the academic world, leaving this challenging engagement with young people, leaving the great intellectual endeavor of striving to understand and interpret the mystery of that creature which is man and of communicating to today's world the Christian interpretation of our being -- all this must have seemed to him like losing his very self, losing what had become the very human identity of this young priest. Follow me -- Karol Wojtyla accepted the appointment, for he heard in the Church's call the voice of Christ. And then he realized how true are the Lord's words: "Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses it will save it" (Luke 17:33).

Our Pope -- and we all know this -- never wanted to make his own life secure, to keep it for himself; he wanted to give of himself unreservedly, to the very last moment, for Christ and thus also for us. And thus he came to experience how everything which he had given over into the Lord's hands, came back to him in a new way. His love of words, of poetry, of literature, became an essential part of his pastoral mission and gave new vitality, new urgency, new attractiveness to the preaching of the Gospel, even when it is a sign of contradiction.

Follow me! In October 1978, Cardinal Wojtyla once again heard the voice of the Lord. Once more there took place that dialogue with Peter reported in the Gospel of this Mass: "Simon, son of John, do you love me? Feed my sheep!" To the Lord's question, "Karol, do you love me?" the archbishop of Krakow answered from the depths of his heart: "Lord you know everything; you know that I love you." The love of Christ was the dominant force in the life of our beloved Holy Father. Anyone who ever saw him pray, who ever heard him preach, knows that. Thanks to his being profoundly rooted in Christ, he was able to bear a burden which transcends merely human abilities: that of being the shepherd of Christ's flock, his universal Church.

This is not the time to speak of the specific content of this rich pontificate. I would like only to read two passages of today's liturgy which reflect central elements of his message. In the first reading, St. Peter says -- and with St. Peter, the Pope himself -- "In truth, I see that God shows no partiality. Rather, in every nation whoever fears him and acts uprightly is acceptable to him. You know the word (that) he sent to the Israelites as he proclaimed peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all" (Acts 10:34-36). And in the second reading, St. Paul -- and with St. Paul, our late Pope -- exhorts us, crying out: "Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, in this way stand firm in the Lord, beloved" (Philippians 4:1).

Follow me! Together with the command to feed his flock, Christ proclaimed to Peter that he would die a martyr's death. With those words, which conclude and sum up the dialogue on love and on the mandate of the universal shepherd, the Lord recalls another dialogue, which took place during the Last Supper. There Jesus had said: "Where I am going, you cannot come." Peter said to him, "Lord, where are you going?" Jesus replied: "Where I am going, you cannot follow me now; but you will follow me afterward" (John 13:33,36). Jesus from the Supper went toward the Cross, went toward his resurrection -- he entered into the paschal mystery; and Peter could not yet follow him. Now -- after the resurrection -- comes the time, comes this "afterward."

By shepherding the flock of Christ, Peter enters into the paschal mystery, he goes toward the cross and the resurrection. The Lord says this in these words: "when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go" (John 21:18).

In the first years of his pontificate, still young and full of energy, the Holy Father went to the very ends of the earth, guided by Christ. But afterward, he increasingly entered into the communion of Christ's sufferings; increasingly he understood the truth of the words: "someone else will dress you." And in this very communion with the suffering Lord, tirelessly and with renewed intensity, he proclaimed the Gospel, the mystery of that love which goes to the end (cf. John 13:1).

He interpreted for us the paschal mystery as a mystery of divine mercy. In his last book, he wrote: The limit imposed upon evil "is ultimately Divine Mercy" ("Memory and Identity," pp. 60- 61). And reflecting on the assassination attempt, he said: "In sacrificing himself for us all, Christ gave a new meaning to suffering, opening up a new dimension, a new order: the order of love. ... It is this suffering which burns and consumes evil with the flame of love and draws forth even from sin a great flowering of good" (pp. 189-190). Impelled by this vision, the Pope suffered and loved in communion with Christ, and that is why the message of his suffering and his silence proved so eloquent and so fruitful.

Divine Mercy: the Holy Father found the purest reflection of God's mercy in the Mother of God. He, who at an early age had lost his own mother, loved his divine mother all the more. He heard the words of the crucified Lord as addressed personally to him: "Behold your Mother." And so he did as the beloved disciple did: "he took her into his own home" (John 19:27) -- "Totus tuus." And from the mother he learned to conform himself to Christ.

None of us can ever forget how in that last Easter Sunday of his life, the Holy Father, marked by suffering, came once more to the window of the Apostolic Palace and one last time gave his blessing "urbi et orbi." We can be sure that our beloved Pope is standing today at the window of the Father’s house, that he sees us and blesses us. Yes, bless us, Holy Father. We entrust your dear soul to the Mother of God, your Mother, who guided you each day and who will guide you now to the eternal glory of her Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

[Original text in Italian; translation issued by Holy See]

(April 08, 2005) © Innovative Media Inc.

Put on the Armour of God

Yesterday, I got so excited that I had to begin my year in the Year of the Faith as a Confirmandi. I was confirmed in the Church at Don Bosco Parish this Feb. 10, 2013, and my prayer was as bold as ever, that God should use me as his faithful soldier and be placed at the forefront of the battefield. I had this flashes of events before me, that I am chosen by God to be serving in His vineyard.
Apostasy, relativism, liberalism, and even paganism is the norm nowadays, and I risk being mocked and humiliated because of my faith. But I still and will still fight for religious freedom and for the gospel until the end.
Just as I was having great confidence because the Holy Spirit is called down to move me, a shocking event took place, the very next day, the Pope, our dear Pope Benedict XVI who called the lay people to spread the gospel and assigned this as a year of the faith, had resigned from his post!
He will be active in his duties until February 28, 2013.
I got scared, really really scared. It seems like the light of the seat of Peter is slowly dimming. Not that I do  not trust the next popes, it's just that, I have seen the Marian Pope, Pope John Paul II and the advisor who stood by him, and eventually became the next pope. The more I ponder on these things, the more I realized that the end is fast approaching. It is scary, but in times like these, hope is alive! The Holy Spirit is moving!
In Excelsis Deo!

2013, Year of the Faith!

Epiphany at the start of 2013

Well, this is the start of my 2013 blog.
Life was hard in 2012--- we had a roller coaster ride of achievements and many so (oh so) let down moments. But here I am, I think I have become stronger than ever, more resilient against the waves of self-doubt and anxieties.
Honestly we have a lot of things to do, just that, a lot of things going on that it took away our peace. Lots of problems, and I feel like were slowly drowning. I stayed calm, I looked at God---- but at the same time, I wanted to have my feet back in 'reality', I didn't want any members of my family thinking I do not care about what is happening around me.
I do trust in God, however, it's hard to keep my faith, be calm and be expectant of God's grace when everyone is  in panic and chaos. I feel guilty of being calm when everyone else is anxious....what should I do? Am I not panicking because I do believe in God's providence? Or is is that I simply do not care? I am confused----

But in this confusing time--- I opened an email, and God did talk to me.... I was overwhelmed with what I read: “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

It was a message that hit home. God was telling me to immerse myself in His plans and He will take care of the rest--- that, I yet have to see. But I do believe that what God promises, He will fulfill. Thank you Lord, Thank You---- Your words are enough to calm me.

I will update on the mysteries and surprises in my life that God has in store for me---soon it will unravel.

SMILE, LIFE IS FULL OF PLEASANT SURPRISES! 2013, I LOVE YOU!

There goes my Diva days in the trash

First, I know I haven't written for a very long time, been so busy I guess.
How long was it? Oh yeah, I guess the last was on my birthday. I wrote a lot of high hopes and dreams in my last entry--- and how am I faring now?

Well, first of all, I and my sister were able to publish 4 serial books about art. We are very humbled and honored, because without God, those things will NEVER be possible. I will tell the things that happened in a different entry, but for now, allow me to have the liberty to be grateful with all the blessings.

What else?--- Oh yeah, we were also commissioned to draw for a sinology book written by a very famous Italian priest in China. It was I who suggested the pen and ink style so that it will go with the book's theme. I remembered that I couldn't thank God enough for the opportunity.

I have a lot of things to be thankful about, that until now, I am still in awe at everything that happened and things which are happening. I have been surrounded by a lot of awesome people all the time. That alone is one of the most special gift.

And now, I am going to embark on  a new journey. I  don't know what God sees in me, that He is making me do something which is beyond me (I think). But God has a lot of awesome things in store for me, I know that--- and every time He makes me do things, I am always blown away.

You may think dear reader, that I am such a presumptuous person to ever think that. But I have valid reasons to think this way... take note that I am not saying that I am cut above the rest... on the contrary, I came to realize that each person have their own special mission in life which are so great in their own way. And thinking about God's great providence through these people humbled me very much.

And now, here I am, telling God that I am tired--- why are some people enjoying life when I wasn't?
Why should I suffer when I do nothing wrong (or so I thought) why is it that I think I am being punished?

I felt so frustrated and felt God was unfair, and then the answer came to me this Sunday. I was playing the Prodigal Son drama---not the youngest child, but the eldest child who was such a diva when his brother, the wayward came home.

It came in the form of Fr. Armand Robleza's homily. He just had an operation on the heart and his gall stones, and had one of his brothers died a month ago. But still, he was driven and passionate about pasturing the sheep in the Don Bosco Parish. He was having short breaths while he was talking, and his face was grey and ashen. I felt scared for him, but at the same time, I knew God was showing me a man who clearly wasn't doing anything wrong, but was embracing every trial God sends him with a cheerful heart. And through that, I was once again humbled---- because compared to this man of God, who am I to think that I already sacrificed so much? When in fact--- I am nothing compared to the priest who passionately serves his people even though he clearly wasn't feeling well.

He said in his homily, that in marriage, the attitude should be that the spouse should be ready to give all of himself to his spouse, because that is what Jesus did for the people. I am a Christian--- and I have given myself to Christ in baptism, and every time I affirm my baptismal vows on Easter. And because of that, I should be ready to give myself to what makes Jesus happy.

With that, I went home. My diva days, I knew, are numbered. From now on, I will give more of myself for others.... the people who was the reason Jesus came to earth and be crucified. Why? Because I have decided to love Him--- and to love Him means, to make Him happy, and to make Him happy, is to follow Him by doing what He did when He was on earth.

The call was, to reflect Christ---- it is scary. I know from now on, my life will never be easy---but who said it would be easy??? No one did! But all of them, who trekked the road to follow Jesus, revealed that it was all worth it!

Thank God for these holy people, thank God for these self sacrificing people, because if not for them,, this world, in a split second, will stop. Because people suddenly decide that they will no longer want to sacrifice their lives for others. Scary isn't it?

Anyway, this is such a beautiful day for me.... my soul was nourished. And once again, I was put to shame because of my selfishness. It's the saints, and the people like the priests in the parish, or the lay people who sacrifice their lives for others who are my heroes. They make me want to become a better person.

Thank you Lord for that. About me being here, I know, is not an accident.

Forgive my grammatical errors---- will fix it in the morning. I am sleepy now, but didn't want to put this off till tomorrow.

Goodnight!

My Birthday thoughts for 2012: Be my Creator's Creation!

I had been the happiest since last year. It's nothing ordinary--- albeit, not really new. I have found something more worthwhile and fulfilling at this time of year and I really learned a lot about myself.

There is really no competition with other people in this world, you must learn to listen to the beat of your heart aching for your dream. And I have to understand that no one could understand my love for my dreams because they do not own it. I have now come to terms with that, and listening to your dreams is equivalent to listening to the call of God who made you.

in a year, I have also learned to love myself a lot-- not because I am narcissistic, but because I now know my identity as an individual. I have decided on that, and I have my Creator back me up on that :P! It still surprises me how I can go beyond what I have done in the past, and how I can constantly change and improve myself.

Because of my self love, I have learned to look at the beauty in others---- everyone, they all have their own strength and uniqueness, and that made me grateful each and everyday when I interact with other people because of their awesomeness. To see gifted people push their capacities, I also feel driven--- because of them, I strive to try harder too. I want to master myself and produce the best out of my talents which God intended me to make.

I have my own personal problems too. And it is not always a very sunny world for me, loneliness creeps in specially when you try hard to reach out to be the best--- because at the back of your mind, there's this temptation which always nag at you-- things like: "Why complicate your life? Everyone slacks off, enjoy life, life is short," but then again, you only end up in regret, feeling left behind and a failure when you give in.

Difficulties and obstacles are the things that make a person bigger than himself---- so it's not something one should shun, rather, it is something one should embrace and get lessons from. And never blame other people-- when you do, you give them power over you, not you controlling your own life.

These days, I constantly falter and fall. It goes without saying that I feel lonely and sad, but I still have my undying hope, that one day, I can also be a light which shines brightly on my own. A light which I did not copy from anyone, but a light which my Creator has given only to me.. I am excited to meet God's expectations, because that will be the most awesome thing that could ever happen to someone.

From now on, I make it a point to ask myself if what I do is what I must do at a particular moment, which will be beneficial to my future tasks... I can't afford to lose anymore time. I felt I had given in to too much laziness in the past, and I needed to do it right this time without wasting any moment.

I will be careful from now on with my actions and words. I plan to collect my thoughts,  do my best in all areas of my life. Study in my field so that I can do better and be the best that I can be--- and be at PEACE with myself as I was often assured in my solitary reflections.

I am sure--- God wants to lead me to a place where He wants me to be--- so I need to be responsible, work hard, and do my part in reaching my goals. 2012! Awesome year for me--- this is a year for productivity!

I don't know how to end this entry--- but I leave this blog with a smile and full of hope for a brighter future!

:)

God, and the dream He has for me

Today’s reading is about the disciples, after the death of Christ, have become fearful and became scared in spreading the good news and they have gathered in one place to avoid being persecuted for their faith.
Nowadays, Christians have forgotten to follow Christ bravely. They’d go with the flow, pretend they didn’t know, or act cool even though they are going against their Christian faith just so they will not be laughed at. I am guilty of that.
Being a Christian does not mean to be popular or to please everyone. It means to stand for the truth, for the good news, and be the custodian of the truth that Jesus wants us to impart to others.
The challenge for me this year, is to be a blazing light that represents the true meaning of Christianity. Not a judgmental witness, but a welcoming witness who shows Christ through actions and conviction.
I am on my next set of adventure since my birthday is coming up, I am determined to live my life to the fullest at this stage. Because I feel that if I become too lazy, I will not be able to meet the person I am supposed to be, the person God planned me to become. I have decided to fit the shirt that God made for me, and I want every part of me to respond to God’s call. It will never be easy--- but it will all be worth it. Loneliness will play a big role in accompanying me while I trek my journey, but I will always remember that after everything is through, I want to meet God who smiles proudly at me and say “Well done my good and faithful servant!”--- yeah for me, that is the coolest.
Right now, it’s a little lonely--- but it’s lonelier to belong in a crowd where people do not really understand the calling of God. I want to trek my difficult and lonely road--- because at the end of it all--- it will all be worth the sorrow.
I thank God for all the miracles that came my way, and I thank God for the Dreams HE has for me.

Pope Benedict, defender of the Family unit

I am in awe when people who are against the Catholic faith wanted the Catholics to quiet down just because the Catholics denounce their  opinions. For crying out loud, that is what the Catholic faith fights for, the beliefs and their conviction coming from the dictates of their conscience.

In the time of the inquisition during the dark ages, the faith was used for power and created fear to the people. It was never the Christ-instituted church who did that, but the people who were greedy and ambitious for power who distorted the teachings of the Church.

Nowadays, the Catholic bravely retains its stand, the Catholics who are honest in making the dream of a godly world to come about. They are not the inquisitors, nor the abusive priests, nor the the condemning faithful.... they are the ones who are like Christ, living the faith, witnessing despite trials and adversities.

I personally applaud the pope, and the priests who are fighting the trend of selfishness and lack of faith in God.

The Pope is indeed the rock!
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/World-News/2012/03/10/Pope-addresses-US-bishops-on-sexuality/UPI-15041331401976/

This is why I will be a Catholic forever--- I have met my heroes here!

In this day and age of confusion, when everyone wants to be living for themselves, pleasing themselves without considering other people's welfare, when everyone is suspicious of any good deed coming from people, especially from Catholics, I sometimes become tired of defending my faith.... but seeing these heroes who are striving to fight a good fight, I become strengthened and my resolution is renewed. Here is one of my respected priest's message on his 25th year as a priest:

---

“I believe that my priesthood is not my dream alone; it is God’s dream first of all. It is also your dream, you who share life with me. Come, let us live it together.” I will never forget those jumbled words; I had them printed at the back of my souvenir holy card on the day of my ordination to the priesthood. That was December 8, 1980. Twenty-five years ago!

Little did I realize the truth behind those words. 

The life of a priest is not something that fits and follows predictable patterns. It is not something you build step by step along the way. It simply happens, and happens daily. Funny, everybody seems to be entitled to their expectations about their priests. You can even say that a priest’s life is canned into clear “shoulds” and definite “dos”, with the rules laid out openly on the table. I thought so. 

After you have let down lots of expectations, after the runner has stumbled lots of times, and the hero fallen in battle, when the myth rings like a big break-down, a priest is still a priest. When he has broken all the shoulds and denied all the dos, a priest is still a priest. When the chosen one looks at himself like a vanquished combatant, or an unfaithful disciple, or an unsuitable lover, or a false shepherd, and more—tags that everyone easily label their priests with anyway, and he decides to throw in the towel, the priest is still a priest. When a priest gives up his priesthood, he is still a priest. Priesthood will never be about giving up; it is the eloquent language of God’s love who will never give up on his beloved. 

Frankly, I do not know how to put it into words; the life of a priest simply happens. That does not mean that a priest leaves everything to chance; rather it is the daily living experience of mystery. You know that there is a reason somewhere, a pattern unfolding somehow; you keep your fingers crossed and your heart anchored, and believe. And you say “yes” to both light and darkness.

This is my prayer today: “Lord, I do not ask that I may understand. Just help to never run dry of my ‘yes’. Make me celebrate that with laughter; lead me to contemplate it with tears. Please, continue to dream for me, with me, in me.”

People tell me that as a priest, I am singularly blest. Sincerely, I am at a loss accepting that. Maybe, I am one of those priests luckier that other priest even. I always have a little extra that could be shared with others; I have lots of friends who stand by me to pick up the slack when I am down and out. I also made enemies who remind me of my excesses and misfires. But all of these come and go. There is still the dream to contend with.

And the dream does not come neatly packed, with all the software provided and the user’s manual clearly worded out. I thought that with some generosity, I could manage the difficult packaging; I presumed that given enough time, I will pick up the softwares of priestly life and mission. I was confident that I will ably unlock the Chinglish instructions. I thought so.

When my heart has settled on a particular mission task, I was pulled out. When I learned to suit into the community, I was transferred out. When I cemented some friendships, I was moved out. There was a time when I stood pat and strong; I was mowed down and out. Then, I licked my wounds in silence and loneliness; the lights went out.

But no worry. I am pretty sure that there is no bitterness in here. That was a choice I made. I did not want to miss out on the Cokes and Choc-nuts.

And so, my prayer for today is a gracious “thank you, Lord. Thank you for the dream; it was both rich and enriching. Thank you for the moments of utter loneliness; you have prepared me for them since my birth. Thank you when the lights went dim and out; you brought me to other sights and colors. Thank you for the duties you entrusted to me; they brought out the better side of me. Thank you for the friends who always complain of my lack of concern and caring, for not answering their texts messages; they taught me to love myself. Thank you for the enemies I have made; they made me de-focus on my insistent self, and believe the dream, plus the Dreamer.”

It is easy to say that priesthood is indeed God’s dream. But it takes twenty-five years to realize that it can never be so, unless the priest gives God the permission and the blank check to make his dreams come true with his life. How easy it is for the priest to grab the limelight. And people are partly to be blamed for putting their priests on pedestals, and as easily tearing them down. 

But the dream finds its flesh precisely in moments like these? He is an incarnated God; his is a love that can be experienced only in flesh and blood. My priesthood is not my dream alone, nor God’s dream purely; it is God’s dream lived with others. And without the community, there is no dream, no reason to dream. Priesthood and Church do not exist independently; they were never meant to be. “My priesthood is also your dream, you who share life with me.” Or is it that God’s dream with his priest is not merely about the priest himself, but His dream for the Church?

Then call me a dreamer. 

I have a dream. I have a priestly dream. I dream for the Church. This dream was sown during those moments when God through his Church has forgiven me time and again of my follies and infidelities. Without this assurance of a forgiving God, I wonder how I could have managed. Again, this dream found its heart when people I hurt cried for me, and forgave me. There is no way to build friendships and communities better than forgiving one another. Then too, this dream gave voice to humble self-giving every time the priest shared the Lord’s forgiveness to those who are lost and broken. You sleep secure that the gift is with you when you share it with others too.

This, then, is my dream for the Church: that we may all together become a forgiving Church. I believe that this is the most eloquent expression of Christian love, our undeniable witnessing to a world struggling with big hurts, so big and festering that it took a God to restore us all to friendship.

I dream of a Church where forgiving is a gift readily shared with one another. I dream of a Church who forgives homecoming philandering fathers, and mothers who aborted their babies, young people mired in crime, and lovers hot with sexual excesses. I dream of a Church not afraid to offer forgiveness as a valid alternative to political squabbles and unrelenting competition. I dream of a Church who welcomes differences in faith, and accepts the vagaries of changing situations. Finally, I dream of a Church who can throw her arms open wide and embrace back her fallen priests. And without this last one, my dream remains a whiff of fantasy; I failed. 

And God has a way of affirming his dream.

On my twenty-fifth year as a priest he brought me to Rome, the Holy City. There I visited the tomb of John Paul II, the Pope of my twenty-five years of priesthood. He was the Pope I welcomed during the World Youth Day in Manila in 1995. I share in the same priesthood of Christ as this great man, albeit in my own insignificant way. Visiting his tomb enkindled in me once again the realization that I am a priest not for myself, but for the Church. 

I stayed at the Sacro Cuore Basilica, the church Don Bosco build at the request of the Pope. In the room where our holy Founder stayed, I had the opportunity to celebrate the Holy Eucharist with brother Salesians from all over the globe. I knew in my heart then that God was affirming my Salesian vocation. I am on the right track, despite all my foibles. He has shown me that he still counts on me. He has provided a particular mission for me in the Society: social communications. I knew that if I were to be born again, a Salesian I shall be again. No doubt about it.

And I visited my “home church” in Rome, the Basilica of Santa Maria Maggiore. It is there that I poured out my heart to her during an earlier sojourn; it is there that I availed of God’s mercy and forgiveness when I was there. It is also there that I consecrated my priesthood to her, as I did on the eve of my ordination. It is there I sought peace for my troubled soul. I knew I was home. I am loved. 

It was not my plan. Everything just fell into place. I thought I was there for a meeting, to fulfill a task. Visiting these churches was like a closure for me, a pilgrimage not simply to a place of worship, but a spiritual journey to the core of my priesthood. I knew in my heart that the past twenty-five years—a crazy quilt of proud moments and downright disappointments—was worth it. In his own mysterious heart, everything was part of an unfolding design, a story being written, a dream that is meant to happen.

So if it were a dream I am living, I only have to listen. Dreams are not purposely made; they appear in their own ways, their own language, their own message. Let God keep on dreaming. Let me readily listen.

And dreams talk of something real. My priesthood is to make his dreams for his Church come true. On the eve of my ordination, he told me a powerful message: “you do make yourself a priest; it is I who make you a priest.” I hope and pray that I will be a willing and adequate tool in his hands to build his dream.

Come, then, let us live this priesthood together!

Armand, sdb, priest 
08 december 2005