I had been the happiest since last year. It's nothing ordinary--- albeit, not really new. I have found something more worthwhile and fulfilling at this time of year and I really learned a lot about myself.
There is really no competition with other people in this world, you must learn to listen to the beat of your heart aching for your dream. And I have to understand that no one could understand my love for my dreams because they do not own it. I have now come to terms with that, and listening to your dreams is equivalent to listening to the call of God who made you.
in a year, I have also learned to love myself a lot-- not because I am narcissistic, but because I now know my identity as an individual. I have decided on that, and I have my Creator back me up on that :P! It still surprises me how I can go beyond what I have done in the past, and how I can constantly change and improve myself.
Because of my self love, I have learned to look at the beauty in others---- everyone, they all have their own strength and uniqueness, and that made me grateful each and everyday when I interact with other people because of their awesomeness. To see gifted people push their capacities, I also feel driven--- because of them, I strive to try harder too. I want to master myself and produce the best out of my talents which God intended me to make.
I have my own personal problems too. And it is not always a very sunny world for me, loneliness creeps in specially when you try hard to reach out to be the best--- because at the back of your mind, there's this temptation which always nag at you-- things like: "Why complicate your life? Everyone slacks off, enjoy life, life is short," but then again, you only end up in regret, feeling left behind and a failure when you give in.
Difficulties and obstacles are the things that make a person bigger than himself---- so it's not something one should shun, rather, it is something one should embrace and get lessons from. And never blame other people-- when you do, you give them power over you, not you controlling your own life.
These days, I constantly falter and fall. It goes without saying that I feel lonely and sad, but I still have my undying hope, that one day, I can also be a light which shines brightly on my own. A light which I did not copy from anyone, but a light which my Creator has given only to me.. I am excited to meet God's expectations, because that will be the most awesome thing that could ever happen to someone.
From now on, I make it a point to ask myself if what I do is what I must do at a particular moment, which will be beneficial to my future tasks... I can't afford to lose anymore time. I felt I had given in to too much laziness in the past, and I needed to do it right this time without wasting any moment.
I will be careful from now on with my actions and words. I plan to collect my thoughts, do my best in all areas of my life. Study in my field so that I can do better and be the best that I can be--- and be at PEACE with myself as I was often assured in my solitary reflections.
I am sure--- God wants to lead me to a place where He wants me to be--- so I need to be responsible, work hard, and do my part in reaching my goals. 2012! Awesome year for me--- this is a year for productivity!
I don't know how to end this entry--- but I leave this blog with a smile and full of hope for a brighter future!
:)
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