I wanted so much to make everything I write here to be positive... but this time, I felt I need to unload some of the emotional baggage that torments me. I am really looking forward to this next project. I want it to be fresh, exciting, and new to the eye. I planned and planned for this shoot... but one of the team members I recruited was starting to get difficult to manage. She's not a team player... I feel so sad... she's a very talented person and since she can help me a lot, I also want to help her. But I guess we are not good together.
All I can feel is disappointment... I wasn't broken the way I was in 2009 by the same experience... just frustrated and disappointed. I didn't put much responsibility on her this time... I was just shattered. Good thing I have good people around me... but still, she's so important to me that things would definitely be different if she'd be in it. I will try everything in my disposal to be fair and try to talk to her. Because after all, I am striving to be a matured person through and through. But whatever happens... I cannot overlook the fact that she betrays me...
One thing I learned about the whole experience from last year, is that I shouldn't rely too much on people. My hope is in my Creator who created me for who I am... no one can hurt me anymore if i won't allow other people to do that to me. I would rather love them and expect nothing from them, because that is the way to real freedom. You can't be disappointed if you didn't expect... I know I still hurt.. but in due time I can move on. It is reality that I live in an unfair world... but still I want to make everything better... even if it's a long shot... i still hope in my own little way... that I could give a good example.
No matter how hard, I still want to say... "SMILE, LIFE IS FULL OF PLEASANT SURPRISES!"
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