Friday, December 31, 2010

Ending Chapters

from Paolo Coehlo's blog

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010 Last Day of the year

As the year is on the verge of its end, I couldn't help but feel a little flabbergasted. Everything happened so fast... opportunities came, chances I took, and chances I let slip by. I got to say, a lot of things made me smile.... something great has happened to me and I do hope that it will be like this in the coming year.

I stop and reflect on my life every now and then. And I dare say, I have come a long long way. Having my own dreams and goals to fulfill... I am even envious of my future self... the present me is jealous of who I will be in the future... (If there's such a thing! Hahaha) Trials will come, but I can manage... how else could I have survived the past if I am not a strong person?

I will list down my new year's resolutions. And I will arm myself with lots of prayers, courage, and hope. I hope to stay more focused and do my very best this time :)

All in all, I can say that the best was saved for last. ^__^ so many things have happened to me in the latter part of the year... 2010 was awesome. I have matured emotionally, and I can say I learned to understand people a little better. It's true that I have come to read about people in Dostoevsky's works, but to know about people first hand is a totally different thing. Anyhow... one thing I learned is that I should have respect for people, and leave the unnecessary people behind, those who just use people and doesn't even know how to utter a thank you. Surprise, there were a lot of people like that! :O... whatever, bygones!

It's time to kick some ass! I have been so passive, now it's time to be aggressive. I will take control of my destiny... and leave the people who can't keep up with my pace. That's the way things are. Let's have a toast... 2011! Here we go... a brighter future because I refuse to look at the bleak side of life. I deserve more than what I used to get. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhh! ^__^

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Oblivion

As the year is coming to a close, I have been confronted with a scary thought. I have been very busy with getting ready for my new year resolutions and new plans for my life ahead. And while I was at it, I was able to experience for a moment, the frightening feeling of being in oblivion.

People come and go, and forget you altogether. I never feared to be forgotten, not by anyone because it was usually me who leave people behind. But now, I am feeling a little terrified.

I can't help but think of the babies who were neglected by their parents. Is this what to be in oblivion is all about? To be treated as if you never existed? To have no voice, no presence, no opinions.... it's rather sad. VERY SAD. When I think of how these little ones get abused, murdered, and maltreated, I get really angry. I am for the human dignity.
For further knowledge about the importance of life, this may be a useful read:

HUMANAE VITAE


By the way, I have a new toy... he will grace my photography soon someday. He is King, my sister's toy poodle! It's a gift for her... I wasn't fond of dogs... but he's so cute and adorable... ^__^

Friday, December 24, 2010

Urgency of the Call

It's time for a new beginning.

I have been so sure now of my calling, and time is ripe. If I let my chance slip through my fingers, then I know I will regret it for the rest of my life.
I must understand, that my life is not for me alone. I have a responsibility to fulfill, that is why my heart's desire is deeply instilled in my whole being.

I heard some words of wisdom today, and it hit me again, "The reason for Christmas, is to give people hope. God works, even when it seemed like nothing is going on and He seemed silent. But still He works even when you could not perceive it. He is faithful, even when things don't go according to your expectations. You may not understand, but He has plans far greater than what your limited mind can conceive."

Thus I put my tomorrows in God's hand. It's an exciting one really. A friend of mine also told me. That when he empties himself from the concerns of the world, he finds himself being provided for by the God he believes in, that never in his life did God abandon him. And that gave me hope! Thanks to him, I could have a talk about spiritual matters.

I also watched a movie about the life of Don Bosco. I live near the Don Bosco parish and his relic came to visit the church.

In his youth, he said "There's limited time for people. If God asks you to do something, have a sense of urgency, for this may be the time God needs you to fulfill it. For tomorrow, you might die, or that will may no longer be as strong. So when you are called, do it outright"



So many inspiring thoughts. I just know. Everything that is being said, I must listen to it... for it is a map, a clue of my life. :)

Scared of my weakness, but I have a God I could depend on... move forward.Tomorrow is a great day. :)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Words of encouragement

As I stand near the threshold of a new beginning, I have been hearing a lot of positive and encouraging words lately. And I need them very much.
In today's gospel, these words reverberated in my mind: "God never lets His people down" and went on citing examples of God's faithfulness to His people.
Yesterday's gospel talked about Hannah's granted prayer, to have a child (Note: I am not praying for that, but in olden times, children were seen as a blessing. And so when I said Hannah's prayer for a child was answered, it meant in generalization of God's different forms of blessings.) God works in mysterious ways, and He never abandons His people. May they believe or not, He continues to provide. People do not feel this because they believe that God is non existent. It's rather sad... on my part, I cannot judge the people who do not believe. It's the way they were able to see their situations, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I on the other hand, cannot go on living in the belief that God never existed. He was with me during those trying times. I have seen the miracles that manifested in my life, that is why, everyday, there's a reason for me to be excited, always on the lookout at what God has in store for me. :)

That's why, time and again, since it's my Creator who got my back, I can safely say: "SMILE, LIFE IS FULL OF PLEASANT SURPRISES!"

Looking back, my years in this world is really full of blessings. I could only smile and be thankful. True, I do not have the best things in life, but I have the BEST source of inspiration... my God, my Creator, my #1 fan! May all my dreams come true,... the dreams that God instilled in me... :)

Your ways, O LORD, make known to me; teach me your paths, 5 guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior. (R) 8 Good and upright is the LORD; thus he shows sinners the way. 9 He guides the humble to justice, he teaches the humble his way. (R) 10 All the paths of the LORD are kindness and constancy toward those who keep his covenant and his decrees. 14 The friendship of the LORD is with those who fear him, and his covenant, for their instruction.

Monday, December 20, 2010

I chose to be hopeful!

People call me crazy or so old fashioned... hmmm I can't help it if they think of me as such. I know that believing in something you didn't see for yourself is kind of illogical, but I'd rather believe in something that will strengthen my hope.

In relation to this, I remembered an episode I liked. The Hikaru no Go episode where Sai (the master of Go who is a ghost) took over Hikaru's messed up game. He knew he was falling apart, and the only way he could win is to let Sai takeover. The dialogue hit me because many times in my life, I mess up with things, and then when I feel that I am already hopeless, I cry and become so frustrated knowing that I could never do it right. And it feels good to have someone take over your messed up world, and knowing He will make everything right. I have hope in my future, for I chose God to takeover my life. Because without Him, I am hopeless...

These are the things I learn in Hikaru no Go, and come to think of it, it's not far from my reality...

I am happy...because I have hope. :)


Haze is now at a tough spot. With 1-1 it is up to Hikaru to win and make Haze advance to the finals. Kaga tells Hikaru to play seriously and show them his true strength. He tells Hikaru that if Haze looses than their Go Club will be no more. Hikaru looks at the board and begins to shed some tears. He asks Sai to finish the game because he knows that deep down he cannot win. Sai realizes how frustrating it is for Hikaru being unable to win with his own strength. But Sai assures Hikaru that they will win. Sure enough, Haze advances to the finals 2 –1.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Good old days!


I spend my time reading nowadays (While I do my side jobs that is!)... I need to refresh all the things I learned when I was young. After a lot of thought, I realized that I have buried my old self through the years. My old self wasn't at all bad. True, I was a loner, but now that I have established communication with real people, I found out that I need the knowledge I used to have when I was my old self to be effective in socializing, thus I returned to reading...

I used to be happy years back... but now, I realized, that having people around me wasn't at all bad. True, there are times when I badly needed to be alone to be able to reflect on things, I began to appreciate the people around me. Through them I was able to see things I couldn't see if I was alone. It is true indeed, God sends the right people your way to teach you about life.


Keep it coming. 2011 will be my turning point! :)
CCO - Visualizing, Diana ^_^

Thursday, December 16, 2010

CBCP Year of the Youths started now. December 16, 2010.

This is indeed a good year for me. It was declared a year of the youths. Thus, I know it will be the start of my good life too! ^_^. It gets exciting everyday... it may not be always about happy times, but I know I have help whenever I need it.

I want to take over the world... really. I know it will take a lot than a small amount of effort, but I have to decide NOW. It's now or never!!! I don't want to let the world pass me by... and besides, I have a task to fulfill.

There's a reason why I am in THIS family.... and for that reason, I need to be my best. I need to uphold my family name because our lives are intertwined with a lot of tasks that needed to be done to help the world. I have to be a role model to the youth, thus I refrain from doing anything against my principles. I am a devout Catholic.... but let me correct any prejudgments that may occur right away after reading that statement. I assure you that my faith underwent a lot of tumultuous doubts and arguments to my logical side before I succumbed to it finally. I am not saying it is an end all and be all, all I'm saying is that being a Catholic is not at all bad, rigid yes, but can be useful when you want to be someone who wants to be honestly connected to God. I want to be an encouragement to others... or rather, I need to be. I wasn't born here to waste that privilege.

It's hard to do my task, but with God's help, I know I can....why, He's my number one Fan! He made me to be me....He knows every cell in my body, and how I should function... and the desire in my heart is the manual for me to function. I need to maximize my usage to its full potential, so that I could face Him at the end of my days, proud and happy.

I have to be ready to face sadness and misunderstanding. I have to be strong... I want to be bold despite the wounds that my journey might inflict on me. I have to be always in high hopes, and high spirits, knowing that God is always at my side, and that HE WILL NEVER ABANDON ME...

I have been so faithful to my God, because all through my formative years, I have experienced a lot of faithfulness on His part. He worked in ways I could not imagine. Gave me big surprises that I could never have conceived in my head. It's a very exciting world for me really... but somehow I get all anxious because I look at my situations in life. I doubt Him, His promises, His faithfulness...

One significant verse that held true in my life was when His words hit me... "I will repay you for the lost years", and it took place in my life. True to His words, he took over and tidied the circumstances for me to walk on. He smoothens the road on which I pass, and if ever I walk in uncertainties, I know He takes me by the hand and take me to a wonderful place.

I want to believe all the time, and tell the world at the top of my lungs about God's goodness, but most of the time, I am gripped with fear. But looking back, and listing all the wonderful gifts God has given me, I know I am in good hands. I shall want nothing. I am teary eyed each time I remember all the wonderful gifts God has given me. And just being with God and recognizing it as the truest gift in this world is also a gift from Him. I love being there with Him...in His presence... Just basking in His holiness, I feel so happy and serene.

It is indeed a good life!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

One piece of the puzzle... I think I found it...

Hmmm, I guess I can call myself lucky today because I have been having a very anxious day last Saturday and now I got a message that somehow eased my troubled mind. Having hesitations on my decision... I really have a big decision to make and it really required a leap of faith!

But I originally knew I need to make this turning point in my life. I've reached the end of this chapter, and there's no way I'm having cold feet now. I have been bombarded with a lot of positive messages coming out of the blue lately and I do believe that it's nothing coincidental. I probably need a huge amount of belief for the great self-doubt that lies ahead (ulk). I need to believe in myself more than anything...

Yesterday, when I opened my email... I was pleasantly surprised and got scared at the same time because of how the message I read in my email hit me directly. It was a very clear message and I was left without a doubt what I'm supposed to do. One piece of a puzzle in my life, of what I need to accomplish. In my limited mind, I allowed logic and practicality to grip me, but I can't allow that anymore. I have been staying too long in this mediocrity... I have to make a BIG difference now.

Hang in there... double time... and I know I am safe, I need not be afraid... :) . . . :D . . . :))... ^___________^... The realization of one's dream, lies in the hand of those who are brave enough to make it happen! Don't ever forget that!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

A very direct approach

Yesterday I was disrupted. Taken away from my peaceful mindset. But I got the message that was clear and direct... I need to do what I had to do. Pending activity for 10 years....

Friday, December 10, 2010

Why my dreams are endless...


Yesternight was one of the best night I had... I completely overuse this phrase a lot this year, which only proves that everything is awesome in my world! ^__^ (just in my opinion okay?)

Well, why can't it be? I have a very interesting life (If I may say so...in fact, very extraordinary, and it only happens to extraordinary people - quoted from C.S. Lewis) I knew since I was a child that I have to achieve something great than the average people. Why can't I think that way?... my life was a constant reminder that I am different from the usual routines. I must admit, I sometimes feel ostracized and alone because I am different that I sometimes want to belong... but being so comfortable in a small world is dangerous, especially when you have something great to offer that is vital to the world.

Some people's mindset is small, thus they move in their small world, refraining from asking a lot from their lives, the universe, thus, limiting themselves from their capacity. It's not a sin to be that simple, it's just a little sad that a lot of people could not realize their dream because they chose to let it go for it required a huge amount of efforts and sacrifices. Thus they end up being mediocre...and soon, they will get frustrated and when it builds up in them, they will hate themselves and result to being violent, and even hurting other people in the process.

But we must remember what Monsignor Escriva said in his book THE WAY, and I quote: "Why fly like a barnyard hen when you can soar like an eagle?" This is a favorite of mine. It's a constant reminder how we should stop limiting ourselves within the walls of our comfort zones.

Yesternight, I had an opportunity to attend the retreat at Don Bosco, conducted by one of the greatest Salesian priests in the Philippines today., Fr. Armand Robleza. He told us a story, about Swayne.

Swayne was born in a family of ducks. He acted like a duck, made noises like a duck, ate like a duck, went accompanying the other ducks...in short he acted like a duck through and through.

But he has a problem. He was always taunted by his family because he looked different. He was white, has elongated neck and legs, and had powerful wings which he timidly did not dare spread because he was shy. Since he was different from the rest, he felt he was a no good.

One day, an amazing thing happened. While Swayne and the other ducks went paddling in the lake as they used to everyday, a hunter spotted them. He began to shoot at them! And amidst all the ruckus, ducks swimming away in different directions, quacking here and quacking there.... Swayne spread his wings and swiftly flew away to the sky!

The other ducks were mesmerized. They were all shocked and saw that Swayne was actually beautiful! He is not the ugly duck now, for they realized his individual beauty by being himself.



Meanwhile, Swayne had an epiphany too. As he glided, he saw his reflection in the water. He was pleasantly surprised upon seeing his reflection.

"Wow, I am beautiful!" he said, "My neck is long, but it fits well with my long legs and big wings! I am not a duck! Why did I spend my life thinking I am a duck when all along I am a beautiful swan?"

Moral of the story...not that ducks are cursed animals.. (laughs) but stop limiting yourself! Expand your horizons! At times, God sends turmoil and disrupts our peaceful world, our comfort zone, to budge us to fly...because we are meant to be great! Each one of us is great.

Be at peace, for God will take us by the hand! Believe the God who made you, He knows every cells of your body... He knows the talents He gave you, so that when He push you to do something, you know you can, because He said so!!!

God's children will never fear the future... may it be unknown, for they know that God is with them, standing by their side.

Thus, the retreat yesternight ended... with all of my anxieties vanishing into thin air. God answered ALL my questions and eased away my uncertainties in life. And by the way, I got a call, a job interview while I was attending the retreat... just a confirmation that God's blessing is limitless! :D

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Let Go If Your Hand is Full!

Yesterday was another grueling day for me... I was accused of doing something I didn't do, I was being falsely accused and it's starting to hurt my reputation as a professional. Well, it has something to do with me being chosen as the best poster among all the rest (which was not a big deal to me really) and now I had to be discredited for my work. Whatever,what's important is that I know I'm good, and I've shown other people that I am. The one who told me I'm not good was just one person... because this person is determined to put me down to rise.

I was the lucky one chosen to be pulled down... I honestly don't care anymore. I have proven my worth, and no one can make me believe otherwise. I know my GOD who made me, and no human being could take that from me. "Do not doubt your value..." C.S. Lewis Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

My sister told me, if my hands are full, let go... yeah, I once heard that from a priest, and they were right. I have to let go and make way to newer things. To new opportunities. How can I catch new and exciting opportunities when my fists are tightly clenched? Holding on to what is no longer for me?

I'll let go alright... but my right hand will be holding on to my God... cheesy eh? But it's true. Now, I have nothing from this world... only Him... and with that, I have everything... :)

Despite everything, I will hold my head up high. This is just a calling for me to spread my wings and fly... I need to navigate the world. Not a small office just around the corner. With God at my side, I know I could overcome every challenge that comes my way. That is assurance enough. And because of that, I will meet my inevitable great future... because I have a powerful God who will guide me to that great path.

Everything, just like the past painful memories from my childhood, would become just distant sadness.... CHEERS to my new life! 2011, thank you for making way for me! :)

*For I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand; It is I who say to you, “Fear not, I will help you.” – Isaiah 41:13

Isaiah 48:17-19
17 Thus says the LORD, your redeemer, the Holy One of Israel I, the LORD, your God, teach you what is for your good, and lead you on the way you should go. 18 If you would hearken to my commandments, your prosperity would be like a river, and your vindication like the waves of the sea; 19 your descendants would be like the sand, and those born of your stock like its grains, their name never cut off or blotted out from my presence.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Feast day of the Immaculate Conception

I woke up early today with severe headache... I have a fever that won't go away for days now. Anyhow, I have a big hunch that today's gonna be a good day :).

I had a dream btw... that dream made me smile... I had been a little anxious about a certain facet of my life, but given that assurance, I had to smile. I hope everything will be alright. I'm so writing it in my journal! teehee :D

Anyhow, I have to go... need to rush to work and I hope to attend Mass tonight or lunchtime.

*Updating...

Just got home from the Holy Mass, and I was so lucky because I was able to witness two newly ordained Salesian priests! It was special because today's the feast day of the Immaculate Heart of Mary!

I was able to hear the "Alleluia" of the great composer Handel! It was so beautiful... It felt like I was transported to heaven, hearing the angels singing the song in unison....

I have been so inspired today. Got so excited over some new ideas that kept popping in my head.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Too many things to do... sigh!

As Christmas is coming nearer and nearer, I realized that I had to rush and make a list already. I'm a little late...

I got sick big time... I didn't know what happened. I was to shoot a pre-nup one Saturday morning, but it was canceled... good thing it was, because that same day I got chills. Then I had high fever all of a sudden. A fever that lasted till Monday night, thus, not enabling me to go work... I needed to finish a lot of things, but I fear my health is no longer with me.

"The spirit is willing but the body is weak" ~_~...

I still have a slight fever today, but it's okay now... I worked when I was sick before. Besides, I don't like to spend my days lying around too much. I am such a workaholic... resting is very much alien to me.

My last entry was about the RH bill... yeah I pretty much ranted about it because I saw a newspaper last Saturday and the Pope's statement was at the headlines. That got my blood boil.

Next year would be a very different year for me. I am ready to make sacrifices, but still I am very much afraid. But I have a promising future, so I have big hope in my capacity.

Life is full of uncertainties, but the adventures lie there... I can't stay doing the same boring routine and have my promising life rot. I will be okay... I just need to promise to myself to stay humble.

First stop, need to work on my language skills, then my people skills, and do research on basic theology... I'm going to write... I hope I won't be too one-sided.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Church's Stand against RH Bill in question

Before anything else, I am not forcing people to be Catholics... most of my friends don't like being one and I don't force on them my beliefs. But there comes a point wherein the Catholic teachings are being attacked, and some of the statements are being distorted to befit the wishes of the 'pro-choice' movement. These people who are mostly cradle Catholics (people who were born in Catholic families)should just stop being one. They are free to choose their beliefs... just don't lie!

I have been absent for a long time in my duty of defending my Faith. I have observed in silence as the people mocked the Church's beliefs openly.


Most Catholics are like me, they no longer defend their convictions. Or there are also people who have no idea what the Church's stand against some issues in the first place.

I also wonder why, out of all the beliefs, the Catholics are the most oppressed. Anything against Catholic Faith is taken without retaliation and when we retaliate, we receive angrier reactions.

Whilst on the other hand, if one taunts a Jew, A Muslim, A Buddhist and so on, they defend it with great passion.... in the guise of not being too judgmental or racist. It's annoying, especially when fellow Catholics mock the Catholic teachings... I often wonder why not study the Church's teachings first before they turn against it?

I don't know what all the ruckus was all about. In my perspective, the Church is only echoing its tradition from thousands of years ago. It is dignity of every human being that the Church propagates. And the family is a very important unit. Let's face it, people who engage in careless sex produce fatherless children who grow up trying to fill the void of a broken home with a lot of unthinkable things. In our country, which is a poor country, giving away contraceptives will only encourage the poor populace of the country to not think of anything but idle thoughts because of what the media feeds them... which are mostly cheap entertainment.

What the masses need now is guidance towards functioning well in terms of their skills, talents, and gifts bestowed on them. Again, it is not my principle to shove my thoughts to people, All I'm saying is, be a smart person. Don't let the media fool you without knowing the root of the matter first especially when it deals with another person's life (abortion and the health dangers for the baby and the mother)...

In a current issue, I was taken aback because tabloids and newspapers were spreading rumors that the Vatican is switching its stand against contraceptives. It is sad, that the pope's statement regarding the use of condoms of male prostitutes in order to prevent inflicting diseases on other people was distorted to defend people's long time cry for reproductive health bill.

In what I read, the Pope never changed its stand, i.e., the precepts of the Church and its stand against the RH bill. The Pope is there to lead the people, and has no power to change the traditions and beliefs of the Church instituted and founded by Christ. If he does that, then he himself will be subjected to excommunication... and the Pope knew better than anyone what a Catholic Faith is.

Now, the statement of the Pope regarding the condom is not for the people who intends to use it for sleeping around purposes. Sleeping around or casual intimacy with strangers reduce the respect for people as it objectifies another person and human being as someone who will do for the night... for the week, or whatever.

The Church will never change its stand as it is Pro-life. Since the time of the Doctors of the Church (the likes of St. Augustin to St. Thomas of Aquinas), it never changed. In my years of research I found this to be true, I can certainly vouch for that. People may laugh at my serious tone regarding this matter, but I had to write it down. Because mostly, in this age of relativism, the Catholics are treated as old-fashioned, weird, and not practical... which is not true.... ok, old-fashioned maybe... weird in a normal person's perspective, but not practical? ...

As St. Ignatius de Loyola prayed "Only your grace, your love on me bestow, these makes me rich, all else will I forego" kind of crazy... but this is practical... this is FAITH! ;) I wish I am friends with him, alongside St. Francis Xavier ... :P

Thursday, December 2, 2010

My Superhero Complex... does it still apply in my world?

I guess watching too much cartoons in my formative years really molded my mind BIG TIME! :D . . . I help people not really expecting anything in return.
I went through life doing that and so in my adolescent stage, it was taken for what it is. But I never thought that being an adult would bring me under suspicion. Mostly, it's pretty annoying. People take my wanting to be helpful as something to benefit me. Let me get things straight... I help because I want this world I live in to be a better place. With my idealistic upbringing and tiny hands, I am hoping that when I grow old, and I look back and reminisce, I could say with satisfaction that I made a difference to the world.

I have seen a cartoon show in my teen years, and the philosophy of the character was deeply ingrained in my brain. The character said about a struggling person walking towards his dreams... "I would rather be of help to him. For I know, with his perseverance and talent, he could succeed wherever he may be... so why not I, do what I could to help him to his inevitable great future?"

So... with these words, I became enthusiastic about reaching out to people who struggle and lend a hand. Help him reach his dreams or whatever. And hopefully, that person too, will recognize my help and extend his help to others. I want a beautiful world for people I come in contact with, and the next generation to benefit the world I have in mind.

What happened to good people? Why are the people around me so selfish already? Where a man live for himself only? It's really sad.... especially when I do things for people and they think I do it because I expect something in return... some even thought I am in love with them. It's sad :(... people no longer have goodness in them. They take advantage of people who do good :( The world is really full of distorted perceptions... and mostly, are made of selfishness. No more values, morals, and principles. I don't want to be judgmental, nor I want to shove my beliefs on people... but I just wish that people could somehow learn how to give without thinking of themselves...even for once.

I had been associating with BIG people recently... and I was impressed that they talk about world affairs and how they could make a big difference to make the world a better place to live in. And they act on it... My ideals were fueled... and I have come to compare their world from my exposure with the people I constantly come in contact with in my daily life.

Small people talk about love life, gossips, and rantings... it's not wrong to occasionally touch these subjects... but to obsess about it, killing their productivity... it's rather sad.

I prefer being alone because I know people will ridicule my BIG plans... One day, I will find my place... with the Big Thinkers like me... :)

CHEERS!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Things I learned about respect.

I am not fond of being too keen in observing other people. That's why they think I don't give a damn about them, thus, I am tagged as snooty or arrogant. But I guess it's because I didn't want to end up concerning myself with their affairs when it is not my business.

One thing more, I am not offended when their opinions differ from mine, I just know people are unique, that's why they don't think alike. I think this is what they call respect... and I am afraid to shun people's thoughts, because just as I value my own insights, their thoughts are also valuable. It may not be important to me today, but who knows, tomorrow or in the future, I may agree with them.

The struggles in life bring out different facets of a person's character, one opinion applies, and on another aspect, a totally different one will appear much more applicable.

So what did I learn? Never shun other people's point of views... you'll never know, in the future, you realize they are right. So give respect :)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Killing our dreams



re-posted from Paulo Coelho

The first symptom of the process of our killing our dreams is the lack of time. The busiest people I have known in my life always have time enough to do everything. Those who do nothing are always tired and pay no attention to the little amount of work they are required to do. They complain constantly that the day is too short. The truth is, they are afraid to fight the Good Fight.

The second symptom of the death of our dreams lies in our certainties. Because we don’t want to see life as a grand adventure, we begin to think of ourselves as wise and fair and correct in asking so little of life. We look beyond the walls of our day-to-day existence, and we hear the sound of lances breaking, we smell the dust and the sweat, and we see the great defeats and the fire in the eyes of the warriors. But we never see the delight, the immense delight in the hearts of those who are engaged in the battle. For them, neither victory nor defeat is important; what’s important is only that they are fighting the Good Fight.

And, finally, the third symptom of the passing of our dreams is peace. Life becomes a Sunday afternoon; we ask for nothing grand, and we cease to demand anything more than we are willing to give. In that state, we think of ourselves as being mature; we put aside the fantasies of our youth, and we seek personal and professional achievement. We are surprised when people our age say that they still want this or that out of life. But really, deep in our hearts, we know that what has happened is that we have renounced the battle for our dreams – we have refused to fight the Good Fight.

When we renounce our dreams and find peace, we go through a short period of tranquility. But the dead dreams begin to rot within us and to infect our entire being.
We become cruel to those around us, and then we begin to direct this cruelty against ourselves. That’s when illnesses and psychoses arise. What we sought to avoid in combat – disappointment and defeat – come upon us because of our cowardice.

And one day, the dead, spoiled dreams make it difficult to breathe, and we actually seek death. It’s death that frees us from our certainties, from our work, and from that terrible peace of our Sunday afternoons

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Challenge in Life

"I'll make God proud of me" --- these were strong words I uttered one morning in my dream. I woke up and that was deeply imprinted in my brain. I got scared... but at the same time I was challenged.

I grew up in this kind of environment. Strict and conservative in following the Catholic Church's rules. And although I may not understand a lot of things, it became handy in my daily life. In my dealings with people, I realized that I have become the person molded in the strictest guidance of the Church. I am not saying I am holier than thou... or that I am above everyone else... I'm just saying that no matter how bad people think Catholic teachings are, in my life, I know that it helped me to be a better person. I needed the guidance, and without it, I know, that I will fall into the deepest recesses of losing myself. I have read philosophy books and non-Catholic teachings and there were good ones really, but I had my pick. I respect other people's opinions and I learn a lot from them. I try not to have biases since I do know how important a person's belief is, specially in spiritual matters.

What I said in my dream... it was actually a scary challenge. But I read a blog by Bo Sanchez, where he said "God is your number 1 fan!" Preachy and kind of corny isn't it? Godly matters are considered outdated nowadays... but I can't help but want to believe it. May it be true or not, I want to believe it. People may see me as delusional or not practical... but it's the way I want to live. I want my life to be worth God's while. It already is... And it is my duty to stand tall and shine my light... hopefully, a reflection of God's image. The good God not distorted by other people's opinion... but my own opinion of who He is... my own knowledge of Him that I gathered as I journeyed in my life. :)

On a lighter and very different note:
Played with my cam again one Sunday morning while I was studying. ^__^... I also took the liberty of applying and trying out make-up on myself since I do get out a lot lately. Haha...just woke up happy that day, that's all! ^__^


I just illustrated my opinions on how I express my thoughts :D

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Fork road...

I read something today. Something that made my resolution strong. I know that God is with me on this.

I know I am alone in my innermost dream and that there is only God that I could rely on.... but there are times when I just wish that there will be people I could somehow trust with my thoughts, my plans, and aspirations. I used to be a daredevil, an adventurous individual... not caring about what other people say so long as I don't hurt them or step on them, but I think I lost myself on the way. I need to reconnect with my old self, that brave one who could face the unknown fearlessly.

I am in the middle of confusion... I got trapped in temporary glory that is fleeting and I try to fan the flames in futility. Now, seeing the hopelessness of it all, I am lost. Who am I?



Dreamer? Do I dare call myself that?. . . . what are my dreams now? I lost it... or was I a coward not to walk my way to it? Since it's a very big dream really.... It could blow anyone's mind... but it is the desire I have that kept me alive... I just hope I won't let go!

Superhero? I want to make a big difference to the world really. . . but why is it that I only hurt people... though unknowingly and unintentionally, my presence only creates pain to them.

I used to be all this, but I realized something scary about me.... I AM A COWARD!... I allowed myself to be trapped in this web of fears. I used to live freely, laugh joyfully, challenge myself to get out of the comfort zone.... what happened?

I became attached to the mediocrity of my surroundings. I became too comfortable with just being silent in the background. I withdrew from pressures and became mediocre. THIS IS NOT ME! My enemy is nobody else but myself! If only I could punch myself in the face!

Anyhow... I am slowly creating a door of new adventures for myself. I am a bit sad to be leaving people behind again. But that is life. People are there for you for a reason if they do not join you in your progress, then they are not meant to stay in your path... sad isn't it? Specially when you hold them dear...

Anyhow, I worked on this poster for my company

Monday, October 18, 2010

I'm happy to have mapped out my plans!

Just yesterday, I was on leave. It was a refreshment from doing my routine. I was able to do things that I otherwise couldn't have done if I didn't force myself to have the luxury of taking my leave from work.
First day, I dozed off... read a lot of articles, and just been lazy. :).... My old self would have thought it a waste of time, but this time, I allowed myself that. :D
Second Day, although I promised myself that I'd be a good girl and make my planned tasks, I slacked off. Then went to videoke with sister and her friend... It was a total waste of time and money... but the joy was worth it afterwards. Some guilty pleasures but I had an enjoyable evening... :D

Third day was a Sunday... I went to mass early, and karaoke-d the whole night away...haha! Life was still fun... :)

and finally the Fourth day, I tried to finally function. I was able to post my online portfolio and send resumes... indeed.... the journey of looking at my old works was profitable for me. I was reminded of how good I am... I used to shun "rest" from my agenda, but now, I think people definitely need it to refresh themselves with newer ideas... from now on, I will allow myself some creative solitary pace.... :)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I lost cool... and I instantly felt bad about it...

I know I needed to tame my temper. And because I lost my cool, I am feeling really bad about it. I know I didn't have an excuse, but I do try to become a nice person.... because THAT is an achievement.

There are just so many confusing things that people throw at me. I am used to being a loner. People only shake their heads in exasperation everytime I tell them my ideas. They don't take me seriously. So everything I did, so long as I wanted to do it, I put my heart and soul into it, not being bothered if people see me as weird or whatever.

But lately, people started noticing my work... it's hard for me to believe it, but they do. I am not so used to the attention, so it's so new to me. It felt weird since they could not really relate to me, but I somehow felt happy, and slowly I started to feel that my existence have some purpose. It's nice to be recognized and to somehow belong. I always knew I am good. But never did I allow it to enter my head.

But lo and behold, I am quite shocked because the other day, an unidentified person sent me a hate message in one of the social networks I frequented. He/she was bitter of the fact that I didn't approve his/her friend request. The letter told me of how arrogant I have become just because I am now somebody... which was absurd!

I never thought of myself as SOMEBODY! I am just like everyone else...
The person continued with angry words in the letter saying that I close my doors to the people like him/her. It's so annoying... from those words, I realized that he/she is holding whatever I have accomplished against me.

What I am now (whatever I am in his/her eyes), I am sure it's the fruit of my labors and self-discipline. I am sure a lot of people will not want to be like me, if they just know what forged me to be the person I am now. They will give up on the sleepless nights I endured, the mockeries I heard, and the ridicule of my dreams. All the uncertainties in life were thrown at me. And it's not so easy. That is why, whoever he/she is... I got angry and hurt... I lost my cool, but I deeply regret it instantly. But I hope people will realize, that instead of envying other people, they should stop and think about the difficulties I have undergone. That behind the smile, there were lots of tears that were shed. I am what I am because of that.

And to that person, all the best of luck. Hope your mind will be enlightened someday.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Real Girl

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You got what you see when you see what I got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

Friday, August 20, 2010

Life is too short


Life is too short
Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness
Laugh when you can
Apologize when you should
And let go of what you can't change
love deeply and forgive quickly
Take chances, give everything and have no regrets

Life is too short to be unhappy
You have to take the good with the bad
Smile when you're sad
Love what you got and always remember what you had.
Always forgive, never forget
Learn from your mistakes but never regret

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A Child in solemn prayer

When I went to Mass last Sunday, I was surprised to see a child in front of me, praying solemnly, facing the altar with great reverence. He was about seven to eight years of age. I couldn't help but admire him... because at such a very young age, he already knew the importance of a spiritual life. I used to be like him as a kid, growing up from a very devout Catholic family. Would go to church alone, talk to my Travel Companion about everything. My anxieties, my worries, things that upsets me... things that makes me smile, makes me happy... just about anything that happens to me under the sun. I have changed significantly... I want to remember that me in the past... That was why, seeing that kid moved me.

In a world where technology is the trend... it is very rare that people, children specially, have time to pray. That is why, it was such a pleasant surprise to see such a small kid in fervent prayer. His parents may have taught him good values... but even if they did not... That kid... he's special. I hope he won't ever change. In this world of turmoil and confusion... where the philosophy of relativism exists... when everything evil is justified...It's a refreshing sight to see the innocence of children... that goodness that can happen only when one commits himself/herself to be good. It's rare nowadays... I hope I can make myself the way I am before. :)

Friday, July 30, 2010



Me wearing purple tulip tube design knee length dress at the wedding of a beautiful and cool couple Pi and Ejay.

It was a good thing that I buy dresses even when I have no occasions for it yet. That way I managed to avoid the trouble. :D.. Anyhow it was a beautiful and simple wedding.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

routine

When people approach me for work, I feel happy for the recognition….. must be vanity.
When I work and execute it… the difficulties of the process makes me wonder why I do the things I do… must quit after this is done…
But when I am done and am finished to give my work to people, that is the time when I realize I just can’t quit… and the same routine have repeat performance… it’s because there’s magic in what I do. A magic that I see in people everytime I give it to them… it’s their SMILES that radiates genuine happiness. 

Thursday, July 22, 2010

In Chains

What am I doing to myself?... losing sight of my dreams amidst so many false activities that take me nowhere. I am exasperated... I don't want to be, but I feel so smothered. How on earth did I manage to put myself in this situation?

I am losing my purpose. I am drowned in false pursuits that veers me away from my focus... I don't mind enduring hardships so long as it takes me to my dream... but I know I am lost... I need to get out of this soon.... It is giving me stress and unhappiness... :(

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Foolish traveler

this is the story of the most foolish traveler in the world. The story I have come to love.... and wanted to be...

once upon a time, there was a foolish traveler who had gone on a journey. why was he foolish? well, because he was fooled by everyone he met!

everywhere he went, people made up all kinds of sad stories to tell him, and the traveler fell for every one of them.


please, some money for medicine…?
i have a sick younger sister…
i don’t have money to buy seeds to plant in my fields.


pretty soon, his money, his clothes, even his shoes had been cheated away from him.

however, the foolish traveler was always glad to help. for everyone of them, he’ll smile and say, “i wish you happiness.”

but by this point, the traveler was completely naked, and with nothing left to cover himself, he decided to leave the main road and travel through the dense forest, where no one could see him…

soon, he was discovered by the goblins that lived in the woods. the goblins wanted to eat the traveler’s body, so they begged and pleaded, and used kind words to try and trick him…
of course, the traveler was fooled. first, he let the goblins eat one of his legs. then an arm. then more and more…before it was over, all that the traveler had left was his head. he’d even given his eyes away to the last of the goblins…

and as the last goblin was eating the traveler’s eyes, he turned and said “thank you, traveler. in return, i leave you this present.”







what the goblin left was a slip of paper, with the word “fool” written on it. the traveler couldn’t see it. he didn’t know what it was. even so, tears began to flow down his face. “thank you,” he said. “this is the first present anyone ever gave me. i’m so happy. i’m so happy. thank you.”

even without his eyes, he cried and cried great tears of joy. then, the traveler died, with a smile on his face.
and that’s…the end of the story.
i close my eyes and think about him a little bit longer. i think about how he had given everything away, until all he had left was his head…and how at the end, he still cried for joy as he said thank you.
and then i realize…i feel sorry for him.
see? loss, hardship, things like that? you can’t only focus on them. the traveler didn’t…he never thought about his own troubles at all.
i imagine that it probably does sound really foolish to some people. but i don’t think he’s foolish at all. even though other people probably think he was being tricked? i don’t think he was. i think he did exactly what he wanted to do.
i think, more than anything, he just wanted to make others happy.
what do you think? really? is that foolish? when you close your eyes and think about it, is that what it is?

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Happiness is...


... the ability to make each day fun and interesting when there's nothing much going on around you. I realized that to work on your self and seeing the bright side of things makes someone's outlook in life positive...

Found our old goofing around shots one Sunday last year... I kinda miss this... :)

Saturday, June 26, 2010

You know you're on your way to your dreams when...


... they start saying "You're crazy!"
... they start saying "Wake up, life isn't a bed of roses"
... they give you responsibilities "To teach you some reality bites"

Oh yeah... it's when they start repeating these things to you, not to discourage you, but because you reflect the image of the person they should have been if they didn't limit themselves to "reality"... and that makes them uncomfortable. Deep inside them, they are afraid that you'd be getting somewhere that they have not traversed for they have stayed where they are because of fear of the unknown. They are afraid to admit that they didn't do everything for their dream. I am happy that although I have few people to back me up on my dreams, I know who I want and what I want to be, and I fan the flames of my enthusiasm. May my dreams never fade away... because that is the purpose of my being...

It's sad that they feed you with these lies just because they allowed themselves to be defeated with these excuses. And may I add... isn't it good when you're crazy about something, that you'd do everything to get it? Success is about taking big leaps... it is never about staying in the comfort zone.

And to the people who think I'm crazy... Yeah, this is a person who do crazy things just to reach her dream... and I am proud because I am like that... I am sorry, I will keep walking forward! ;)

- artwork by me for my illustration commission... still unfinished :)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Cute Treats from Japan



My sister had been travelling to Japan a lot of times and I wasn't able to go with her because either she's busy with her business or that I am not financially stable by that time... it's really frustrating at times ... but I guess it's okay... soon I can go there, just a little patience. In the meantime, I enjoyed these cool treats she gave me.

A samurai watch, Doraemon cookies with filling inside, and cute bird munchies.... awesome isn't it? ^_^

My Under the radar help during the wee hours of the morning



Aside from my beloved DSLR, I always forget to mention that I have been getting a lot of help from my Laptop... yeah, I take it always with me during my location shoots for downloading. I am just pretty much sad that it's mostly used for that, or when we need music to set up the mood. It's pretty much a very high end PC with high end features, so I am regretful that I didn't get to use it for my editing needs. It will grace the scene someday... I just felt happy that I realized I am well equipped somehow with the things I need...so what can stop me from producing great things right? :)

Saturday, June 19, 2010

UST - got a chance shoot at my dad's alma matter


Happy Father's Day to my dad, and my BIG DAD up there! (flying kiss to the sky) :) Just thought of posting a pic I had when I went to shoot a prenup in University of Santo Tomas where my dad got Magna Cum Laude in Philo. Aww I wish I studied better, but I will live my life with flying colors, so no worries... dad must be very proud of me... hehehehe ^__^

Been very busy again... so no time for posting...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Sailing Heart ~~~

My 5-day vacation is over... my journey gearing towards my thoughts had enabled me to refocus on my goals. I hope that I am all set to make it happen again... I lost motivation somehow somewhere along the way. And I am now in the process of retracing my steps and redirecting myself to other things that could stir that dormant dream of mine.. . I guess it's just that due to time that slipped through my fingers, I allowed myself to let go of the enthusiasm. I had been unfair to myself... but now, I need to recollect my thoughts, make that dream of mine shining, and reach it steadily. No more detours... that's right... no more detours! :)

found an old pic with my nephew... :D
I didn't know he looked at me as if I was being absurd hahaha...cams don't lie :))

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

White Collar Guy!

Those pretty eyes :)
I like his role in Chuck as a CIA agent. He was cool, but he had to be removed from the show because he was employed in a new tv series "White Collar".

Watching tv shows and catching up to the latest trend is my occupation lately. This is the only time I could veer my thoughts away from my busy schedule and I am forced to run my mind to new ideas. So far, I am enjoying it... it takes my lunchtime on weekdays lately... I don't mind. I am somewhat enjoying it so far... :D

Friday, May 28, 2010

My Life of Independence

June 2010 will be the start of my independence. I will be living on my own now, because mom decided we're already grown ups... no rules, no curfew, no restrictions! I can do whatever I want! Now I am making simple rules for myself... there's only one thing I want most in my life now, to make my dreams come true! I am eager now not to hold back at all costs... if it's for my dream, I am ready to find my way, or make my way out there... 'cause life is what I make it.

God is my witness, as He made me the way I am, I will only make what He expects from me to materialize. Life has been kind to me... Oh Yeah! I guess from this point on, nothing can hold me down. Because my Maker is the One taking me by the hand... leading me to my inevitable great future! ^__^
FINALLY... I WILL FLY :D

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Cramming

Bought a canvass for the going away present for a friend. I am going to paint again... what up? :D.... so excited. It's a practice for my upcoming painting series.

Anyhow, got so muddle-headed last night. I felt so tensed and I just couldn't relax. It's something I did during side-jobs (or rather did not do) and so I felt so down. I was so disappointed with myself... if only I could turn back time. There wasn't a take two! :( My heart was sinking in the pit of my stomach... I felt so devastated.

But they kept assuring me I was okay... I hope I am... really.. This is a journey toward my goals... exciting, but also very frightening. Someday... soon... I will be where I want to be. Wherever my dreams could take me... I will look back to this day, as only obstacles that I will only be laughing about.

My sketch of The ICE KING: Evgeny PLUSHENKO! ^__^

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I got a surprise pass @ Bigfish International!

Life sometimes surprise you with good things.... even when you don't seem to deserve it... times like these, I can't help but smile... :)


I didn't know what the whole event was all about... but I got a pass without me expecting it, while a lot of party people I heard would die just so they could get in... and I get paid too to be there! So excited, suddenly life is starting to get exciting for me ^__^

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Tears for Fears: Awesome Night

Still intoxicated with the latest concert I watched with Aileen and Mel. With us were Aileen's hubby Papa Rey, and cool dude son, Ram.
I didn't really plan to go... but they were so nice as to include me when they bought the tickets. Very thoughtful people. Without them I couldn't have gotten the shots I took... a shot that almost took my breath away with amazement. I had vanquished the thought of ever being able to shoot in low light conditions. I always thought I sucked... but to my amazement... I took some shots that appealed to my taste... finally! i have struggled for so long... and didn't have the confidence because I was not satisfied with my shots before. But this time around...



My passion in shooting gripped me that night. I wanted to take a picture again... and with my calculations and timing ready to click the shutter, I shot with precision... the crowd was maddening, but it was exhilarating. I knew I needed to capture the memory of that wonderful night! :) Imagine, as a kid... they were unreachable. But now... I couldn't believe it... I have them captured in my memory stick and was captured by my cam! I have photos originally my own of Tears for Fears!

And so, it may or may not be the best shots there is of that night... I dare say... I congratulate myself for being able to produce the pics. It was the first time I satisfied myself... really. I was so awestruck... I finally knew I had it. I won't stop... I will try and try again... until I finally reach satisfaction in what I do.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Oh yeah! ^__^

Haters are confused admirers who can't understand why everybody loves you

Shine with joy and without fear! No one lights a lamp to hide it behind the door.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My Birthday! ^__^

2010 looks promising for me... this is my day and yet another year to prove myself. God has been so kind to me, will stay with me till the end of my days.

Here are the snapshots of me today... reading my fave book of all time. It's my bible...hehehe. Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. ^__^



Thursday, April 15, 2010

My Birth History... Just my analysis...

My name, mom told me, was derived from two princesses who graced the world in elegance and flair. They were Princess Diana and Princess Grace Kelly. They were both style and fashion icons...and so imagine how disappointed my mom was that I wear rugged clothes most of the time and she rarely sees me donning feminine clothes... ^__^... my mom loved to dress me up... but being somewhat a strong willed child that I am, and my love for the outdoors and sports, I veered away from her plans because of necessity on the nature of my activities :D... Don't get me wrong, I adore these ladies... after all, I am in line with glam photography and I love elegant fashion, and it's not late for me to add a new flair in my wardrobe ;).
Anyhow, sadly, these two princesses had an odd end. What was weird was that they both died in a car accident... what are the chances that both these princesses will die in a car crash... and both of them are my names no less... creepy...







And I looked up who has the same birth day and month as mine... and I found out one celebrity. . . April 20... why.... Adolf Hitler!!! Now, here's someone who really changed the course of history! I also found out that he's an artist... ugh..



Anyhow... that's all about it. What I notice about these three personalities was that they made an impact to the world... I hope I will too... for the good of course!
I want that in my own unique way, I could really make an impression. I don't know where this passion of taking over the world stems from... and my idealistic thinking... probably from Fyodor Dostoevsky :P . . . I was lucky to have people in my formative years, who reared me in goodness and values. There are things yet to learn, but I am happy that my foundation is of a conscientious nature. I may have hurt people in the past... but I readily admit when I'm in the wrong. May the day never comes that I will be consumed by evil.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I have to pull my act together...

I was scheduled to go out of town this weekend for my birthday celebration with friends... but my former employer called me up to shoot a wedding. Arghhhh! The very thing I was running away from is running after me... but I need to face my fears. The challenge won't wait for me forever... I need to pull myself together.

Shooting weddings have given me a traumatic experience as I have not been able to go home with nice shots... I know I had good shots, but not as good and awesome as the people I was with. Anyhow... I can't live in fear forever. I must be brave to face them. I don't know... I thought I had come to terms with my fears and incompetence when it comes to shooting events... and i thought I was ready to take up the challenge. Why am I so helpless... and why can't I believe in myself as much as other people believe in me? This is bad... my fear of disappointing myself is stronger than I thought. This is insane!

I hope that after the vacation, I will be enthusiastic again. I need to practice more if I want to shoot the likes of Plushenko and Yagudin! ^__^ . . . I am indeed battling with myself this time... I need a project that could satisfy me...it's as if I'm looking for something that is still unknown... my search is leading me nowhere... anyways... I know soon, I'll find my rainbow... I just hope it's sooner than soon ... (sigh)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I know I'm living on the Edge...

Gifted with these crazy dreams that won't leave me no matter how much I try to shake them off of me, I know that from this point on, I was given a cue whether to jump into the bandwagon of the successful dreamers the world has ever known or be the simpleton that I am now.

I introspected, and realized that I had been indeed hibernating in my comfort zone. Now, the question is, should I stay, or should I go? (I know, it's a song by The Clash :P)... I am afraid of the many people who'd torment me day and night about their negative opinions they have of me (although I had only experienced this from a very few people and it was really me who torments myself), but then again, I had to think... what about those people that I'd inspire because of God's gift through me? There is no doubt that the way of fulfilling one's dream is hard and at times trial after trials will come our way to discourage us... but now that I think about it, I will give it a shot! That's my only chance in this life. . . better fail trying than asking myself the "What ifs" of life.

And also, I am not a big fan of getting left behind. So I have listed steps to make me the person that I'm supposed to be. I hope I can still make it... my dreams will direct my path. I just hope my burning passion for it will not fade away as time passes by... I just hope and pray that I'd get to see more and more people who will also appreciate my works... how can they not like it? After all, I do believe that my passion, my talents, and my works, will come from my God... ^__^

Thursday, April 8, 2010

DOUBLE TIME! I Need to excel right away!

Yes, I have decided on a whim... i want to be a Sports Photographer. I have tried my hands on everything else and didn't fare in some, and so I want to try this one too. ^__^
I really really really love sports, I knew I should've been an athlete... if only I wasn't so sickly as I child (*blech*)... I didn't know why I have been so athletic...none of my family members love sports....

Anyways, found these cute rivals ^__^... a bonus!!! alright! So excited!
I need to excel fast if I want to photograph these two geniuses while they're still active in their sport... ^__^
And also, It's high time that my camera captures good-looking guys! And I really need to upgrade....Yehey!